In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to fight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In some countries, an increasing number of
children
are overweight or obese Use synonyms
due to
excessive consumption of fast Linking Words
food
. Use synonyms
While
some argue that banning fast Linking Words
food
from school canteens will not effectively address Use synonyms
this
issue, others and I disagree. I believe that prohibiting the sale of unhealthy Linking Words
food
in schools is a necessary step to mitigate the Use synonyms
problem
of childhood obesity.
To embark on, obesity among Use synonyms
children
is a growing issue rooted in several underlying causes. One of the primary factors contributing to Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
problem
is easy access to fast Use synonyms
food
. Use synonyms
In other words
, when schools allow the selling of unhealthy Linking Words
food
, students will be exposed to it, making it difficult for parents to maintain control over their kids' choices. Use synonyms
This
can lead to exacerbated problems and increase the risk of obesity-related health issues Linking Words
such
as heart disease and diabetes. Linking Words
Thus
, it is mandatory for schools to take responsibility for monitoring canteen sales and contribute to enhancing students' Linking Words
overall
well-being.
Linking Words
However
, exposing Linking Words
children
to healthy options can cultivate mindfulness in their decision-making processes. In essence, individuals seeking to break a detrimental habit must eliminate triggers that could potentially lead them back to that habit. Use synonyms
Consequently
, Linking Words
children
should be in environments that encourage the adoption of a healthy lifestyle.
In conclusion, obesity is a challenging Use synonyms
problem
with many underlying reasons. Accessibility is a major factor contributing to the overconsumption of fast Use synonyms
food
. I am convinced that banning unhealthy meals in school canteens will assist in mitigating the Use synonyms
problem
.Use synonyms
Submitted by marammajid1999 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or data to support your arguments. While your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, providing concrete examples can further strengthen your position and make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Continue to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. This organizational strategy greatly aids in making your essay coherent and easy to follow for readers.
coherence cohesion
Explore varying sentence structures and transitional phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. While your essay already shows good logical progression, using a wider range of cohesive devices can add sophistication to your writing.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a clear position throughout.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow and structure of your essay are commendable.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.