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Writing Samples
Band 7

Courses and general online study have recently become very popular. However, some people still prefer to attend classes in person. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In present times, technology has been rising constantly.
This
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 trend is evident in
education
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, where many
people
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 are learning by enrolling in online courses.
However
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, some individuals still prefer physical lectures over technology-driven methods of
education
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. I concur with the prior that I believe that the traditional approach is more engaging and inspiring. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and explain why the traditional way still holds value. Certainly, there are innumerable advantages of studying online as it saves time and the pain of travelling to the venue.
Moreover
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, it is a positive approach for
people
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 with disabilities. Online learning imparts knowledge-seekers with opportunities to learn from top-notch lecturers around the world without spending a lot of money or relocating to another country.
For example
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, Harward University offers a distance-learning program to learners online at low prices.
Therefore
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, participants from anywhere can learn from experts, regardless of their location, health and financial status.
Nevertheless
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, the experience of studying through online platforms is not extremely satisfying for many
people
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. They like to attend classroom sessions, as they find it more engaging and inspiring.
Whereas
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, studying alone
people
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 get bored and start seeing other entertainment videos.
Moreover
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, learning with others will ameliorate social skills like communication, teamwork and adaptability to the environment.
As a result
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 of
this
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 learn to become confident
while
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 interacting with others and
also
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 let
people
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 be inspired by each other's progress
while
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 learning together. In conclusion,
although
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 the latest practice of gaining
education
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 is quite flexible.
However
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, it lacks in motivating and creating an ideal ambience of learning for students.
Therefore
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, the traditional way of learning can never be replaced by a high-tech way of imparting
education
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.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the topic, but consider rephrasing or varying your language to avoid repetition. For example, instead of using 'traditional approach' and 'traditional way', try finding synonyms or rephrasing to enhance your writing style.
Task Achievement
Try to provide slightly more balanced arguments for both sides, especially enhancing the point supporting online learning with stronger examples or evidence. This will help to achieve a more comprehensive discussion.
Task Achievement
Include a more specific opinion in the conclusion rather than just stating that one method can’t replace the other. You could firmly state which method you believe to be more effective and why, providing a clear final stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure with clear paragraphing and a defined introduction and conclusion.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, like Harvard University's distance-learning opportunities, effectively supports your arguments and makes them more relatable.
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