Some people argue who have been in prison can become good citizens later and it often argues that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
think that
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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have been in prison can become a good
person
later and these
people
are good to talk with teenagers about
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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of committing a
crime
. It is indisputable that
prisoners
are bad
people
.
However
, I believed that no one would have done any
crime
if there have a better choice; thereby, many
people
who were released from asylum can become good citizens later. According to
this
statement, many
people
who have been in prison living their life in
asylum
Add an article
an asylum
the asylum

The noun phrase asylum seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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to change their habits resolution due to their punishment and become a better
person
when they were released. Generally, the asylums provide rules and schedules strictly for the
prisoners
to follow it
also
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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provide occupation classes to teach the
prisoners
to create their own jobs when they are back
to
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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society.
For example
, the asylums have the punishment for the
prisoners
who against the rules
also
some asylums promote the class of cloth sewing in Women’s Correctional Institution. These
people
are learned by those rules restriction and they are confirmed for their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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before released to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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society.
In addition
, some
people
think that those
people
can bring
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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benefit to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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society by talking to young
people
about the bad thing or the effects of committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime

The noun phrase crime seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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.
For instance
, they can be role models of the mistake
people
who become a better
person
now and give the teenagers about their experiences to raise awareness of committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime

The noun phrase crime seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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in children. In conclusion, there are several factors to believe that a
person
who has been in prison can become a good
person
later. I agreed
to
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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this
statement and I think that it can happen if they have a warm welcome and live in
no
Correct determiner usage
a

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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harm
Replace the word
harmful

The word harm doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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environment

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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