IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people argue who have been in prison can become good citizens later and it often argues that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime
Some
people
 think that
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 have been in prison can become a good
person
 later and these
people
 are good to talk with teenagers about
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
 of committing a
crime
. It is indisputable that
prisoners
 are bad
people
.
However
, I believed that no one would have done any
crime
 if there have a better choice; thereby, many
people
 who were released from asylum can become good citizens later. According to
this
 statement, many
people
 who have been in prison living their life in
asylum
Add an article
an asylum
the asylum
show examples
 to change their habits resolution due to their punishment and become a better
person
 when they were released. Generally, the asylums provide rules and schedules strictly for the
prisoners
 to follow it
also
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provide occupation classes to teach the
prisoners
 to create their own jobs when they are back
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
For example
, the asylums have the punishment for the
prisoners
 who against the rules
also
 some asylums promote the class of cloth sewing in Women’s Correctional Institution. These
people
 are learned by those rules restriction and they are confirmed for their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 before released to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
In addition
, some
people
 think that those
people
 can bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
benefit to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society by talking to young
people
 about the bad thing or the effects of committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
.
For instance
, they can be role models of the mistake
people
 who become a better
person
 now and give the teenagers about their experiences to raise awareness of committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
 in children. In conclusion, there are several factors to believe that a
person
 who has been in prison can become a good
person
 later. I agreed
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement and I think that it can happen if they have a warm welcome and live in
no
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
 environment
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
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