IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8.5

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
It is considered by some that self-employed is better than a position in a company or in an establishment. In my opinion, I agree because self-employed individuals have more opportunities to plan their own life without any disturbance. On the one hand ,many people believe that position in a well-established organisation is better because it gives opportunities to grow career-wise wisely.
This
 is because companies have set up rules and principles that guide their workers on how to work and stated the employee duties and responsibilities.
For example
, many organisations trained their staffs annually or quarterly every year as a written guideline that they followed .
Therefore
,
this
 would assist the members of the organisation to gain more knowledge and experience related to their field and eventually rise to the top positions in their choosing profession .
On the other hand
, it is
also
 considered by many that self-employment is better and I agree.
This
 is because
this
 gives more period and chance on how to plan one's life without any disturbance from the employer .
In other words
, independent workers have more time to themselves.
Therefore
, they are healthier because they have more time to sleep and rest.
As a result
, they are able to contribute positively to their work. More
also
, an independent job allows people to relax with families and friends. In conclusion, I believe that a self-employment position is better than working in a company because it allows people to decide on how to live their own life without needing any permission from any boss.
Submitted by temitope.sabitu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: