IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that it is wrong for professional athletes to compete in the Olympics because their strong financial backing and training give them an unfair advantage over the other athletes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #athletes #olympics #advantage
Some people that professional athletes have advantages due to their training so they should not compete in Olympics. I
also
 agree with
this
 because
profeesional
Correct your spelling
professional
professionals
 have been through better training and
aware
Replace the word
awareness
show examples
 of the practices to win the
game
.
Firstly
,
professionals
 are trained and received proper guidance from the trainers. To be perfect at something it is mandatory to get training which these
professionals
 are already taken. Competition should be between those who are equally trained but these
professionals
 are
are
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
over qualified
Correct your spelling
overqualified
show examples
 than others.
This
 will be
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
unfair
practise
Correct your spelling
practice
show examples
 if these
professionals
 compete with beginners.
For instance
, a professional athlete
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 under
training
Add an article
the training
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several years which other participants do not get.
Hence
, they are not as guided as
professionals
.
Secondly
, these
professionals
 are completely
know
Replace the word
knowledgeable
show examples
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the techniques to win the
game
. These are
professionals
 and known to the tacts.
In
Add a hyphen
In-game
show examples
game
Add an article
the game
show examples
, there are
loop holes
Correct your spelling
loopholes
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can be used for victory. Because these are playing
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a number of years, they can easily use these techniques and beat the other candidates.
For instance
, they know where to speed up and where to slow down. These things help them to win easily from the non-
professionals
.
Therefore
, it is better if they do not take part in these. In conclusion,
professionals
 are in advantage as they are guided and been through the required
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
. They are aware of all the techniques which
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 them to win the
game
. I
also
 believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they have
benefits
Correct quantifier usage
more benefits
show examples
 than
other candidate
Change the wording
another candidate
other candidates
show examples
 so they should not take part in Olympics.
Submitted by Priya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: