IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Professional sportsmen and sportswomen and professional entertainers can often command enormous salaries today and this situation reflects society’s dependence on being entertained. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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It is no secret that today’s
entertainment
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 industry is extremely popular, with nearly everyone being engaged at some time in watching TV shows, movies and sports games. The North American sports industry alone generates a massive $67.7 billion every year. With the present emphasis on
entertainment
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, sportsmen and women and professional entertainers can earn enormous salaries, with figures in the millions for one game, appearance or film.
This
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 situation certainly does reflect today’s
society
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’s obsession with
entertainment
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. Many people argue that
celebrities
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 do not deserve
such
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 payment when work in other professions considered of equal or higher value to
society
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 is underpaid. A-list
celebrities
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 can make over $20 million per movie, whilst many average workers can barely make ends meet. Of
course
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,course
show examples
 there are lots of people who say that there are better ways the money could be used, rather than allowing
such
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 a vast amount to go to just one person.
This
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 is a fairly naive point of view, though. So long as people wish to watch
entertainment
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, advertising
in turn
Add the comma(s)
, in turn,
show examples
 will be present and the
most watched
Add a hyphen
most-watched
show examples
celebrities
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 will be able to earn high salaries, as their presence will ensure the high viewing figures the advertisers desire. Though
celebrities
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 and sportsmen and sportswomen often make very large sums of money, it can
also
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 be seen as unfair to say that they do not deserve it or propose their money be used for something else. While it is true that they did not find a cure for cancer or made a life-changing scientific discovery, their hard work and expertise created a product that the public wants to see and the high payment merely reflects their value. In conclusion, it is clear that today’s
society
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 is indeed a
society
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 obsessed with being entertained and the high salaries paid to those who entertain
society
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 clearly reflect
this
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. The high payments,
however
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, are not necessarily out of place or undeserved.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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