IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefit teenagers at the school. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#educationalists #exchange #visits #benefit #teenagers #school
In
this
 era of
globalization
Add a comma
,globalization
show examples
 every aspect of life is impacted by international exchange
visits
. While some educationalists apprise that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 for juveniles are more than the drawbacks of these
visits
, some are against
this
 notion.
This
 essay will elaborate
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 benefits overweight the disadvantages. Admittedly, parents do not allow their children to embark on international journeys due to cost and health risk.
Firstly
, it can be very expensive for
people
 to spend money on
such
 itineraries which is not a cup of tea for a common man.
For example
,
people
 in
northern
Add an article
the northern
show examples
 part of
Niegeria
Correct your spelling
Nigeria
 hardly spend money on
basic
Correct article usage
the basic
show examples
 schooling of their children so they can not pay
such
 high costs.
Secondly
,
people
 are generally afraid of
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 offsprings
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 exposed to some kind of health problems.
For instance
,
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 today is juggling to stay safe from coronavirus
thus
 avoiding any kind of
visits
. Paradoxically, the plus points of these trips are more valuable than
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 lower sides
such
 as learning new languages and cultures and these could not be sidelined. To embark with, travelling abroad kids have to have a good hold over the native language,
that is
 more than an amusing activity for them. To instantiate, in
recent
Add an article
a recent
show examples
 survey it is found that
people
 who travelled France learned French more congenially than those who were learning it from back home.
Moreover
, they say that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Roman do what the Romans do,
that is
 why with these swap plans kids can learn more cultures and skills when
commute
Change the verb form
commuting
show examples
 around the world.
Hence
,
exposing
Replace the word
exposure
show examples
 to new art and skill is meant to be fun for teenagers. To the way of conclusion, based on the
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 above, it seemed that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of exchange
visits
 are overweighting its detrimental effects,
thus
 parents need to encourage
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 offsprings to take part in
such
 trips if they can manage the expenses.
Submitted by varinder on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educationalists
  • international exchange visits
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • outweigh
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • school
  • exposes
  • different cultures
  • perspectives
  • enhances
  • language skills
  • promotes
  • independence
  • self-confidence
  • builds
  • lifelong friendships
  • provides
  • unique learning experiences
  • expensive
  • homesickness
  • emotional distress
  • careful planning
  • logistical arrangements
  • disrupt
  • academic progress
  • safety
  • security risks
  • cultural appropriation
  • misunderstandings
What to do next:
Look at other essays: