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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts show the share of global manufacturing and exports for four countries between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.

The charts show the share of global manufacturing and exports for four countries between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.
#show #exports #four #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The provided diagrams show the
share
 of
transportation
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the transportation
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 of goods
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad and global manufacturing and trends from 1985 to 2005 for countries
such
 as
Germany
, China, Japan and
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
. As is observed,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States are number 1 in any period of time, even considering a significant decline in
manufacturing
Add an article
the manufacturing
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 sector.
While
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 remained first, China
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
experienced a dramatic increase in shares,
whereas
 Japan showed
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opposite trend. The
last
 but not least,
Germany
 was the most stable. Turning to the details, the
share
 of
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 in global production has fallen down to approximately 10 per
cents
Fix the agreement mistake
cent
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 by 2005. Even though, its
share
 is considered the greatest.
2
Correct article usage
the 2
show examples
greatest countries of Asia have shown the results opposite
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each other. Particularly, China’s
share
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for 4 times growth, simultaneously Japan’s
share
 has declined
approaching
Change the verb form
to approach
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 12% in 2005 from 16% a decade ago.
In contrast
 to these countries,
Germany
 kept its
share
 around 8-9 per
cents
Fix the agreement mistake
cent
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, sharing the least proportion. As for the
second
 diagram, China and Japan experienced the same trend
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for production. China’s proportions
grown
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 by 3 times,
while
 Japan’s
share
 plummeted by minus 4%.
Other
Correct article usage
The other
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 two countries’
share
 had been fluctuating until 2005.
Share
Correct article usage
The share
show examples
 of
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 was around 15%, and
share
Correct article usage
the share
show examples
 of
Germany
 was between 10 and 13%.
Submitted by bekeyeva_a on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words share, germany with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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