IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that technology such as mobile phones (cell phones) is destroying social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #technology #phones #cell #interaction
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Technology
Use synonyms
 is flourishing by leaps and bounds in each and every field. After
invention
Add an article
the invention
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
technology
Add a comma
,technology
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are addicted
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using. A fair amount of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that social communication is destroyed by
technology
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as mobile phone. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Because
now-a-days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 human not using mobile
instead
Linking Words
 of mobile using man.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
There
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 are many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 to I support
this
Linking Words
 argument.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost,
people
Use synonyms
 do not have
Correct your spelling
interest
intrest
Correct article usage
the intrest
show examples
 to direct interact with
surrounding
Add an article
the surrounding
a surrounding
show examples
 person.
This
Linking Words
 means they are addicted to
use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
electronic
Add an article
an electronic
the electronic
show examples
 device.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they do not prefer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 conversation.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 modern
era
Add a comma
,era
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do not have time to straight talk. Because they are always running to earn money.
In addition
Linking Words
, current days folks
are have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more commitments.
For example
Linking Words
, according to the survey more than 90% of
people
Use synonyms
 holding
Add an article
the smart
a smart
show examples
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
 to around the world.
Moreover
Linking Words
, irrefutably
technology
Use synonyms
 gives more benefits well as more convenient compare than ever before.
In other words
Linking Words
, we can
sent
Change the verb form
send
be sent
show examples
 a message or news
with in
Correct your spelling
within
show examples
 a fraction of seconds.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
save
Change the verb form
saves
show examples
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of time and avoid going outside too.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, android phones
are not only use
Change the verb form
are not only used
are not only using
show examples
 communication purpose but
also
Linking Words
 use
entertainment oriented
Add a hyphen
entertainment-oriented
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, civilians will not prefer to outside
speak
Replace the word
speakers
show examples
. To conclude, irrefutably
technology
Use synonyms
 is a part of our life. We are not able to
surviving
Change the verb
survive
show examples
 without any
technology
Use synonyms
 because we are addicted.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 we should talk with our
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 face-to-face.
This
Linking Words
 can create tons of relationship along with making friends too.
My
Change preposition
In my
show examples
 point of view we should out
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time and
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 using mobiles.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: