IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. however, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Do you agree or disagree and give your opinion

Does
money
Use synonyms
brings
Change the verb form
bring
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 peace and
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
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in
Change preposition
to
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 one’s
life
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? Some believe it is the key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
happiness
Use synonyms
 while others are of opinion that it is not of much significance.I partially agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement and the same shall be discussed
further
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, folks who are of opinion that
money
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 is important for achieving
happiness
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thinks
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think
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 so because, right from basic needs of
life
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 to luxury, everything comes with a price tag.we certainly need
money
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 to fulfil our demands.
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
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 people who are affordable send their children to high standard schools to gain better knowledge and
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 are not affordable may be forced to send to local schools, where
standard
Add an article
the standard
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 of education might not be up to the mark.
futhermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
, in today’s materialistic world,it is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 that creates respect in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. High financial status people are honoured and looked upon.
Hence
Linking Words
,
money
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 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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a status symbol. to illustrate those who have high income amongst all in the community are given power and made head of the community.Needless to say, with
money
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 in hand ,one can lead a peaceful and comfortable
life
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, persons who are of
notion
Add an article
the notion
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 that
money
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 can’t buy everything and owning high earnings merely
doesnot
Correct your spelling
does not
doesn't
 bring joy
think
Add the particle
to think
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 so because sublime things like internal satisfaction, friendship, love and health cannot be bought with
money
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.A
persons
Change the noun form
person
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 level of
happiness
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 do not increase with
money
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.
for instance
Linking Words
 people may be rich but lonely and land into depression .
however
Linking Words
, a poor man will be happy with his family and friends by his side.
hence
Linking Words
,it is true that
money
Use synonyms
 can buy
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of things but not
happiness
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. In conclusion, I believe that
although
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 is required to lead a decent
life
Use synonyms
 it is not only the key factor for
happiness
Use synonyms

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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