Nowadays, we can watch entertainment performances from the screen (laptop, etc) and no need to watch it live. To what extend do you agree?

#entertainment #performances #screen #laptop

Everyone loves a

live

concert. All over the

world

Add a comma

world,

show examples

people

go to see a

live

performance

of the entertainer. Today,

people

watch

live

programs on the

Correct your spelling

show examples

, a computer, and a smartphone. They do not need to visit the theatre or

stadium

. I believe that life experience is far different from the

screen

However

, I partially agree with the statement. Watching performances on

screen

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

a predominant advantage,

that is

the whole family enjoy

entertainment

Correct article usage

an entertainment

show examples

show at

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

home. Some concert is held far away from their hometown. It saves

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

transportation

cost

Fix the agreement mistake

costs

show examples

Internet

Correct article usage

The Internet

show examples

helps a lot of

people

to watch on a laptop, a computer, and a smartphone.

In addition

this

live

concerts have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

expensive

ticket

Fix the agreement mistake

tickets

show examples

. Some

people

cannot afford

this

. If their whole family is interested

to watch

Change preposition

in watching

show examples

this

then

it is truly costly.

Further

, on-

screen

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

those

people

who are disabled. They are urged to watch the

live

show but they cannot go there because of their disability and another cause is that the

stadium

is too much crowded with

people

. There

Change the verb form

are

show examples

a few drawbacks of watching a

live

performance

screen

is that

Verb problem

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the energy of the entertainment

performance

live

Rephrase

apply

show examples

is something extraordinary which can only

feel

Wrong verb form

be felt

show examples

through in that concert area.

Next,

many

live

performances are organised for charity

purpose

Fix the agreement mistake

purposes

show examples

. The organiser sells a ticket to

people

so that they can help needy

people

. If folks watching through the

screen

then

it is a big loss for them.

For example

, in India, back in 1992, Micheal

Jackson

Change noun form

Jackson's

show examples

live

performance

held

Add a missing verb

was held

show examples

at Mumbai

stadium

. The organiser got a lot of money from

this

as well as

the performer too. Both helped the NGO and other

people

with that money. In conclusion, the

screen

easier our way to watch

live

performances.

People

watch their favourite

performer

Fix the agreement mistake

performers

show examples

the

Change the word

their

show examples

laptop

Fix the agreement mistake

laptops

show examples

but it can never fulfil the fun and enjoyment that can only

see

Wrong verb form

be seen

show examples

at the

stadium

Submitted by rayatsahil7 on Sat May 08 2021

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task response

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coherence cohesion

Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay.

lexical resource

Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of words and phrases.

grammatical range

Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

321 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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