IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays, we can watch entertainment performances from the screen (laptop, etc) and no need to watch it live. To what extend do you agree?

#entertainment #performances #screen #laptop
Everyone loves a
live
 concert. All over the
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
people
 go to see a
live
performance
 of the entertainer. Today,
people
 watch
live
 programs on the
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
, a computer, and a smartphone. They do not need to visit the theatre or
stadium
. I believe that life experience is far different from the
screen
.
However
, I partially agree with the statement. Watching performances on
screen
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a predominant advantage,
that is
 the whole family enjoy
entertainment
Correct article usage
an entertainment
show examples
 show at
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
home. Some concert is held far away from their hometown. It saves
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transportation
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
 helps a lot of
people
 to watch on a laptop, a computer, and a smartphone.
In addition
 to
this
,
live
 concerts have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expensive
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
. Some
people
 cannot afford
this
. If their whole family is interested
to watch
Change preposition
in watching
show examples
this
then
 it is truly costly.
Further
, on-
screen
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 those
people
 who are disabled. They are urged to watch the
live
 show but they cannot go there because of their disability and another cause is that the
stadium
 is too much crowded with
people
. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a few drawbacks of watching a
live
performance
 on
screen
is that
Verb problem
:
show examples
 the energy of the entertainment
performance
live
Rephrase
apply
show examples
is something extraordinary which can only
feel
Wrong verb form
be felt
show examples
 through in that concert area.
Next,
many
live
 performances are organised for charity
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. The organiser sells a ticket to
people
 so that they can help needy
people
. If folks watching through the
screen
then
 it is a big loss for them.
For example
, in India, back in 1992, Micheal
Jackson
Change noun form
Jackson's
show examples
live
performance
held
Add a missing verb
was held
show examples
 at Mumbai
stadium
. The organiser got a lot of money from
this
as well as
 the performer too. Both helped the NGO and other
people
 with that money. In conclusion, the
screen
 easier our way to watch
live
 performances.
People
 watch their favourite
performer
Fix the agreement mistake
performers
show examples
 on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
 but it can never fulfil the fun and enjoyment that can only
see
Wrong verb form
be seen
show examples
 at the
stadium
.
Submitted by rayatsahil7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are addressed in the response.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of words and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: