IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Instead of requiring primary school students to do experiments themselves, schools should only alllow them to watch experiments demonstrated by teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, many schools contain experiments in their curriculum especially in the science field, and even elementary school students learn how to research the scientific phenomena.
However
Linking Words
, some people complain that teachers should not permit children to do the investigations. In the following essay, I would argue both sides and state that I tend to disagree with the idea.
First
Linking Words
 of all, it is actually obvious that sometimes the classes would be dangerous for the students. As they use some kinds of detrimental chemicals or fire, the risk of getting injured or even death will be high when the teachers let the individuals
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do experiments. In fact, there was an incident in Japan that during the class when people were using an alcohol ramp, one student did not follow the right procedure and a fire broke out.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the class that deals with chemicals or fire would be unfavourable.
Second
Linking Words
 of all,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, a benefit will outweigh the downside because
through
Add the comma(s)
,through
show examples
 the trials, the individuals can realize an enthusiasm
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 learning.
Although
Linking Words
 just by watching the demonstration given by teachers is boring and not impressive, by doing
by
Correct pronoun usage
it by
show examples
 themselves, they may notice a plethora of things and mesmerised by the discoveries.
For example
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals
Add an article
the individuals
show examples
 might not be aware
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that a crystal could be made from salt by adding process.
However
Linking Words
, through the experience of making a crystal, they might realize how wonderful the world scientific phenomena are and
this
Linking Words
 feeling cannot be obtained from the demonstration. In my conclusion, I believe that even though the risk of accident is high when
depend
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on the children in experiments, the impression of the children should be prioritised.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I tend to disagree with the premise.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: