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Band 7.5

Playing a musical instrument is one of the most important achievements for any child. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#instrument #achievements #child
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In order to reach their maximum potential, children need to engage in a variety of activities.
Although
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 learning how to play an instrument might be a great feat in itself, I do not agree that it accounts for the most important accomplishment at their age and
this
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 essay will provide reasons for my disagreement. First of all, it is crucial to consider that not all children have an aptitude for music.
While
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 one child may enjoy the learning process, another might detest it. Consider an example of two siblings who have opposite interests, but are forced to learn
playing
Change the verb form
to play
show examples
 an instrument. The success of one of them might make the other feel inferior, which in itself can lead to a problematic relationship dynamic.
This
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 is why it is of utmost importance to make children decide whether they want to pursue
this
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 skill or not.
Furthermore
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, forcing them into something can have detrimental effects on their mental health.
Hence
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, their talent and time should not be wasted on something that does not align with their interests.
For instance
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, it is often a custom in families to follow the legacy of a successful parent.
However
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, it often gets revealed that the offspring had different interests, and was suffering silently.
On the other hand
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, we cannot turn a blind eye to the fact that learning an instrument at
such
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 a young age is a testament to their talent and dedication.
However
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, I think
this
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 is just not enough. In conclusion, I believe that any extraordinary achievement of a child is worth an appraisal. It should not be limited to something particular, especially when their heart is not in it.
Submitted by amnaasiddiquii on

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Task Achievement
To improve your task achievement score, ensure to directly address the prompt's question throughout the essay. Incorporate a balanced argument if you somewhat agree or disagree, and make sure to elaborate on how and why playing an instrument is or isn't of utmost importance, providing more specific examples or evidence to back up your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you've done a good job organizing your essay. To enhance it further, use a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure your paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next. Moreover, varying your sentence structures can make your points clearer and more engaging for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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