IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

In the contemporary world, it can be seen that a massive chunk of youth is migrating to metropolis. It is opined that the majority of the younger generation is moving out of their houses in sub-urban areas to find better employment and educational facilities. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the reason behind
this
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 exodus and critically examine how the
positives
Change the noun form
positive
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 aspects of
this
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 migration of adolescents to modern cities overlook the negative points. There are two main fundamental aspects of
this
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 relocation,
such
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 as
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of prestigious universities and fewer jobs in the far-flung villages.
Consequently
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, young ones have to shift to urban places to find high-profile work and to get numerous educative options, which is commonly expected by multinational companies to recruit employees.
For example
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, a recent study showed that young people who moved out of their houses
are
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were
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 more likely to get high-end jobs five times more than those who stayed in the countryside.
Although
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 there are some demerits of
movement
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the movement
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 of young rural dwellers to towns,
on the other hand
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, there are plenty of merits of
this
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 trend.
Firstly
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, they will
be having
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have
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 a
high quality
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high-quality
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 life in the city in comparison to rural
habitat
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habitats
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. As giant organizations are more likely to be situated in
the
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apply
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developed areas,
therefore
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, adolescents will have far more work opportunities in these metro cities.
Hence
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, they are more likely to get handsome money and widespread occupational exposure as well.
In addition
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, all the renowned colleges and universities are established in big towns, So they can enrol themselves in varied skilled learning courses and achieve success and personal growth as well.
This
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 will
also
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 give their families in villages a sense of appreciation. In conclusion, I reaffirm my position by stating that
positive
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the positive
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 aspects of
this
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 movement overlook its negative points. Even though life in the countryside is peaceful
yet
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apply
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it lacks so many opportunities which are the basic necessities in
this
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 competitive world.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or statistics to support your points about job opportunities and educational facilities. This will enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your transitions between paragraphs are smoothly integrated to improve the overall flow of your essay. For instance, you could use linking phrases to better connect ideas.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, you might want to rephrase your position more clearly with a summary of the main points discussed to strongly reinforce your argument.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents a clear position on the topic and explores both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction provides a good overview of the essay's direction and engages the reader's interest.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Educational institutions
  • Job prospects
  • Wages
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural exchange
  • Overpopulation
  • Cost of living
  • Rural depopulation
  • Social isolation
  • Traditional values
  • Personal growth
  • Recreational activities
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