Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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It can be observed the tendency of an increasing number of people who leave their relatives and close

friends

Use synonyms

in order to find a job. We cannot assert unequivocally that

this

Linking Words

phenomenon is beneficial or detrimental.

However

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, from my viewpoint, the downsides outweigh the advantages.

To begin

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with, these days, if a person makes a decision to move away from parents and

friends

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for work, he or she should organize their lives by themselves. First and foremost, they have to rent accommodation which is usually really expensive and it is required to have a certain amount of money

that is

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why a person should work harder than usual. They have to devote all their time and energy to earning for living.

Thus

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, they do not have free time to

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

rest and recover after a busy and hard day.

As a consequence

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, it has a detrimental effect on their mental health.

For instance

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, it can lead to high levels of stress, anxiety and depression.

On the other hand

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, living without parents and

friends

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can have a positive impact on personal development. Definitely, it is a good way to enhance useful, beneficial and needed life skills,

for example

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, a person should learn how to cook, buy products at grocery stores,

clean

Correct word choice

and clean

show examples

up their apartments.

In addition

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, they should be responsible, well-organized and disciplined in order to be successful and achieve goals. In conclusion, there is no doubt that moving away from home for work has not only the advantages

such

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as a good way to become mature but

also

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a significant downside

such

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as spending all their time making money. Personally, I suppose that people should stay with their parents and

friends

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until they can afford accommodations or have enough money to live alone and be independent.

swetlana4597Sun Jan 19 2025

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task achievement

Work on providing more specific examples to support your points. Specific anecdotes or statistics can strengthen your arguments.

task achievement

Clarify the advantages and disadvantages in a more balanced way. Presenting counterarguments can show depth in your analysis.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Transitional phrases can help improve this aspect.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the context for the discussion.

coherence cohesion

The main points are generally well-supported, providing a clear stance on the issue.

task achievement

The essay reflects on personal development and mental health impacts, which are relevant to the topic.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

6.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

297 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

career advancement
job opportunities
job market
salaries
personal growth
cultural horizons
adaptability
resilience
global perspective
emotional and psychological impact
loved ones
loneliness
homesickness
support network
long-distance relationships
emotional strain
face-to-face interactions
financial cost
housing deposits
travel costs
living expenses

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Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating to much fast food. It is neccesary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THE INTERNET IS RESPONSIBLE FOR DESTROYING SOCIAL SKILLS OF TEENAGERS AND YOUNG ADULTS. WHY DO YOU THINK THE INTERNET IS SEEN AS DANGEROUS IN THIS WAY AND WHAT CAN WE DO TO ENSURE THAT IT DOES NOT HARM THE SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT OF TEENAGERS AND YOUNG ADULTS.

Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. To what extent do you agree with this? How do you think space exploration will change in the future?