IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays there has been a heated debate about whether belonging to a lower social class leads to committing action against the law more frequently.
Consequently
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, in
this
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 essay, I will analyze why it is true and the reasons why it happens.
Overall
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who are in a disadvantaged position in society are more likely to commit crimes to earn some money.
Therefore
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, for those who struggle to find a job is mandatory to find an alternative way to have an income.
According to
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 researchers,
people
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 from lower classes tend to take part in criminal organizations which are involved in selling drugs or doing thefts
such
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 as burglaries. By doing these illegal activities the groups' bosses can ensure a salary for their ''employees'',
as well as
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, medical assistance if they have a disabled child
for example
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, or economic help to afford an attorney if they get into trouble.
On the other hand
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, cash is not the only reason why they do
this
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. Without a doubt, being poor exposes them to a lot of psychiatric diseases
such
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 as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, so usually, those who are affected form those conditions can perpetuate more extreme actions like murderers.
For example
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, in my town a couple of years ago, a homeless person escaped from the psychiatric hospital and brutally killed two
people
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 in the middle of the street with a knife.
Hence
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, needy
people
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's mental health is a topic governments should focus on more. In conclusion, I think poverty is for sure related to criminality, but it is not a reason to emarginate the most fragile part of the population.
Furthermore
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, I strongly believe that those citizens should be helped rather than demonized.
Thus
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, administrations should provide them with both economic and health facilities to face their problems and become an integral part of society.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or case studies to support your points. This can help to build a stronger argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to maintain clear connections between ideas and paragraphs. While you do a good job of linking some thoughts, a smoother flow can enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument by introducing your stance and summarizing your main points.
task achievement
The essay covers important aspects of the topic by discussing both the economic and psychological reasons for crime in poverty-stricken areas.
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