IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

#people #effects #epidemic
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the numbers of
people
 who are becoming obese increased.
This
 is due to many wrong practices that
people
 do in their daily life .In
this
 essay ,I will explain the reasons and present the consequences that if
people
 take it, they will be born obese. There are several factors that contribute to making
people
 overweight.One of the major reason is consuming a lot of unhealthy food.In the present day
people
 spend much time at work
thus
 have no time to cook in order that they tend to eat fast food. morefore , consume a huge amount of sugary drinks which contain high calories.Another compelling reason,
people
 used to sedentary lifestyle
such
 as they stay hours watching tv or do not do any exercise .
also
 we live in the technology era , the majority of individuals do online shopping despite in the past
people
 go shopping by themself. A possible effect of
this
 issue includes,
people
 will be born a serious disease
such
 as heart attack and diabetes.According to a recent study has been published in the middle east , over 50 % of citizens will suffer from a health problem in the near future.An additional impact of
this
 is ,loss of productivity .overweight
people
 have physical problem particular in bones that directly affect their ability to move.
For example
, it has been proven that an obese person needs to put more effort to complete some task than a person with normal weight In conclusion, there are many factors leading to
this
 overweight and effects are explained.eventually, the effect of
this
 has been and will continue to be serious.
Submitted by nuha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: