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Band 4

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#money #time
Nowadays, in society money one of the vital thing that
people
 can get goods or products that they need. At
this
time
 some citizens
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that working more
time
 and having less leisure
time
 is better than that or remaining, working more and getting less money. From my point of view, in the
work
 should be the
time
 management for all
people
, they need to have their own benchmarks in
time
 not less
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
 more.
To begin
 with, in some areas of the world
people
work
 in two places or more than, they
work
 for
time
 and gets their currency. According to statistics, in America individuals works in more places since their needs are too expensive, because of that their employees
work
 more than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 countries. It is one of the good
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
, working has
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 impact on
people
,
this
 gives them chance to live in
this
 world,
also
 they can buy things that they need. Other
people
 think that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 spending long hours
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
 and having no free
time
 to actually enjoy is not the right approach to
life
. They consider
time
 to be a great equalizer and
time
 spend at
work
 cannot be purchased with money as it leads to stress and other
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 problems.
Furthermore
, living a healthier
life
 and spending quality
time
 with loved ones is more essential for
people
 and many of them regret it later on in their
life
. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should give everyone the same amount of
time
, and agree on wages with workers. They should evaluate the
work
 at the same level as it is important, knowledgeable, and includes many human qualities.
Moreover
, I think that if a person has a hard job, it is dangerous it
ithe
Correct your spelling
the
 salary should be higher. To conclude,
people
 should maintain a balanced
life
 by giving equal
time
 to
work
 and personal
time
. They will lead a more fulfilling lifestyle if they prioritize both factors equally.
Submitted by Dariga on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
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