In some places old age is valued .While other cultures youth is considered more important .Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many
people
in some places believe that the elderly are valuable,
whereas
some
people
who are living in other cultures think that young
people
are more crucial. On the one hand, old age could be very valuable. I think that because of their
experience
. They live long enough to gain a lot of
experience
and
that is
the thing that makes them different from young
people
, it
also
makes them valuable.
Thus
, old age
people
can be the master in some fields and they should be respected by other
people
, elder
also
receive much priority. Take Japan as an example, where the old-aged
people
rate is much higher than in other countries, they still develop based on their old employment, elders are professional and good at every job.
On the other hand
, the youth should be considered more important
due to
their strength and time. They are the main employment in society, they are more likely to make the innovation or breakthrough.
Although
they do not have much
experience
, they still have time to learn and have a chance to do it.
For instance
, in the digital era, young
people
are likely to learn new things faster than old
people
. I think that each one has different important qualities, we can decide which is more important
,
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apply
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because all of those are necessary to develop our society.
To conclude
, some places think that old
people
are valued,
while
other cultures think that youth is more important. Elders have
experience
and young
people
have time and strength
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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the task. In this case, while you discussed both views, providing more specific examples to support your arguments can enhance the completeness and depth of your response. Consider using real-world examples or statistics to back up your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance it further, vary your connective devices beyond 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand.' Also, try to ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of ideas.
Language
Although not a separate criterion, pay attention to your grammar and vocabulary. Minor grammatical errors and repetitive language can impact the overall quality. Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and varying your sentence structures for a more sophisticated writing style.

Your opinion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
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