Many people believe that a person’s culture is defined by their country of origin, while others believe that it has only minor influence. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Our
culture
can be influenced by a variety of factors. Some
believe
Replace the word
belief

The word believe doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
it to base on a country where a
person
stems from, even though
this
factor is considered to have little effect on it by others.
This
essay will discuss why our birthplace plays an important role in defining our
culture
, and why its role is, in my opinion, can ultimately be shadowed by other aspects. The country where we originally come from has most certainly
direct
Correct article usage
a direct

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
impact on our
culture
. After a
person
is born in a particular place, she or he will be exposed to and expected to absorb the cultural peculiarities of
this
place.
This
exposure during the formative years, as an example, is highly likely to define the very
first
cultural preferences of
this
person
,
such
as food and clothing habits.
Therefore
, the significance of
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun birthplace in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
birthplace in terms of our
culture
should not be left unnoticed.
Nonetheless
, I deem that the influence of our homeland may, in
this
regard, still succumb to other much more substantial factors than
this
. One of these is definitely role models, who represent an example for us in different aspects of our lives. Given that our parents are
first
Correct article usage
the first

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
people
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
and whose behaviour along with interests we imitate, their contribution to our cultural code can be massive.
This
code is
also
further
affected by a social bubble we exist in, the manner of life, values and traditions of which could completely be opposite to those led and followed by the majority of
population
Add an article
the population

The noun phrase population seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
in
this
culture
. In conclusion, even if a home country is able to characterise a
person
's
culture
to some extent, its power, from my perspective, is less than that
this
person
's parents and social environment
posses
Correct your spelling
possess

The word posses doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
.
Submitted by sarvarovich98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next: