IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payers money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion

#people #governments #tax-payers #money #healthcare #areas #points
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In contemporary
society
Use synonyms
, whether
government
Use synonyms
 expenditure should prioritize healthcare over other sectors has sparked much debate. Some argue that the
health
Use synonyms
 system is the best option for reducing diseases,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that taxes should be allocated to other important fields.
Although
Linking Words
 medical development plays a crucial role in shaping one`s lifestyle, I believe investing in
education
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 is a much better way. One of the advantages of contributing to the exploration and defining of the negative impact of
such
Linking Words
 major
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
 as heart disease, mental illness, other neurological disturbances, obesity and contagious disease can reduce all of them.
This
Linking Words
 arrangement is that when the medical and sanitary changes are used functionally by public
health
Use synonyms
 associations, it affects
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 immune systems of public
health
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the task of widespread immunization, which is normally difficult without investment and in
this
Linking Words
 case, providing money is an obligation of the
government
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, despite these positives, I still believe that expending funds on developing
technology
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 is a much better option.
Firstly
Linking Words
, these areas can offer more opportunities for the prosperity of
society
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if the
government
Use synonyms
 raises awareness about curing diseases before they become incurable through
education
Use synonyms
, it can reduce the
health
Use synonyms
 issues in
society
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when the
government
Use synonyms
 allocates more resources to advancing
technology
Use synonyms
 in various sectors, it may lead to an improvement in standards of living. It is much less obvious to the public eye
however
Linking Words
, when it comes to the development of other fields,
this
Linking Words
 aspect of investments might be a realistic solution for addressing various
problems
Use synonyms
 and it will
also
Linking Words
 eradicate slowly developing
problems
Use synonyms
 in the foreseeable future. In conclusion, investing in the healthcare system is undoubtedly a great way for
society
Use synonyms
 to reduce
problems
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I find allocating taxes to
education
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 to be a better option for the prosperity of the country.
Submitted by muhammadrizoabduxalimov017 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly from one to the next. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. Consider organizing your paragraphs so that each one builds upon the idea introduced in the previous one.
task achievement
To enhance your task response, work on developing your ideas further with more detailed and specific examples. Demonstrate a deeper analysis of the topic by exploring the implications, challenges, or benefits associated with each viewpoint before stating your opinion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: