IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some say that because many people are living much longer the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
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Many individuals believe that the life expectancy of many people is increasing so that a company should raise the
age
Use synonyms
 of retirement of that employees . I do not agree with
this
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 view because there are so many concerns attach to it . There are some reasons why it is not good to escalate the pullout years . The
first
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 and foremost is that
this
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 is the
age
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 when they started to develop some chronic health issues
such
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 as hypertension and diabetes Mellitus .
In other words
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 , due to these conditions their status of health
also
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 impaired ,
consequently
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 , an organisation have to invest their income on their medical insurances . For an instance , a Tata group of industries Which is the successful business all over the world , they prefer to retire Male at the
age
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 of 55 years and female at 52 years in order to save extra expense on their medical and
also
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 they give fitness insurance to them after leaving the job .
Furthermore
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 , their capacity of working reduced because of ageing, so they are not able to perform at the workplace for a longer duration ,
consequently
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, it directly impacts firms' productivity and works efficiency.
In addition
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 , if they take more physical and mental stress in their work , it will directly influence their fitness .
Therefore
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 , a company should not have to increase the withdrawal
age
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 . To conclude , I strongly disagree with increasing the
age
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 of evacuation because of suffering many health problems from
this
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age
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 and it affects negatively on company's productivity.
Submitted by himanshumali90 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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