Some countries now have people from different cultures and ethnic groups. What is the reason for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

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Introduction

Nowadays, some countries serve as a vital catalyst for bringing

people

Use synonyms

together from various cultures and ethnic groups.

Moreover

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, I am convinced that

such

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a trend is

due to

Linking Words

the public shifting from the different small regions to the development cities, often referred to as urbanisation. I chiefly believe that it is a negative development

due to

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a high risk of the cultures’ erosion.

This

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essay will examine all these points in detail.

Body paragraph 1

To begin

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with, the principal reason for the cultural mixing is the urbanisation issue. Admittedly, a crucial number of rural residents, particularly from the forgotten villages having a rich culture and unique heritage, migrate to megacities, inasmuch as there are better social infrastructure and career prospects. Ultimately, the urban towns turn into multicultural areas, where cross-cultural communication is expanding.

For example

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, the young

people

Use synonyms

from one small region in Russia, the Chuvash Republic, are moving to Moscow

due to

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the high level of unemployment.

Therefore

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instead

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of talking the Chuvash language with natives, the community have to use the Russian language for communication in the capital of the Russian Federation.

Body paragraph 2

Furthermore

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, regardless of these benefits, it is a negative trend because it has a detrimental effect on cultural identity. When young

people

Use synonyms

leave their native regions, they often stop using their mother tongue and lose traditional customs.

As a result

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, unique languages and local traditions may disappear within a few generations.

This

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is why I consider

this

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trend more harmful than beneficial.

Conclusion

In conclusion, urban areas unite different cultures and customs

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

they tend to be more modern and globalised, which can lead some

people

Use synonyms

to abandon their own culture. Despite some profits, it is a truly negative development.

porkiinaanastasia

Sep 30, 2026

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task response

Answer both parts more fully. You explain why people move to cities, but this is only one reason. Add other main reasons, such as work, study, family, or travel from other countries.

task response

Your view is clear: you think this is a bad change. However, first show the good side in more detail, such as new ideas, food, jobs, and better understanding between people. Then explain clearly why the bad side is stronger.

task response

The Russia example is useful and fits your main idea. Make it more complete by saying how the move changes daily life, language use, and local customs.

task response

Some words make your meaning less clear. For example, say “people move from small towns and villages to big cities” instead of “the public shifting from the different small regions to the development cities.”

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, reason, opinion, and conclusion. Keep this shape, but make the first body part only about reasons and the second body part only about the good and bad sides.

coherence and cohesion

Use simple links to show the order of ideas: “One reason is…”, “Another reason is…”, “On the one hand…”, “On the other hand…”, and “For this reason…”.

coherence and cohesion

Avoid starting many sentences with long, hard phrases. Use shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.

coherence and cohesion

Make the last paragraph a full conclusion. It should restate the main reason and your final view in two clear sentences, without adding a new idea.

task response

You answer both questions and give a clear view that the change is more bad than good.

task response

Your example about young people moving from Chuvashia to Moscow is real, specific, and linked to language loss.

coherence and cohesion

Each main paragraph has one main point, and the ideas move in a clear order.

coherence and cohesion

You use linking words such as “To begin with”, “Furthermore”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

281 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural diversity
ethnic groups
multicultural society
immigration
international migration
seek better opportunities
improve living standards
political instability
refugees and asylum seekers
globalisation
a diverse workforce
labour shortages
economic growth
cultural exchange
broaden people’s horizons
promote mutual understanding
social integration
language barriers
racial discrimination
social cohesion

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