IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #governments #services #money #arts #music #paintings
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I completely disagree that there is a need of spending more money on public services than on arts. Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 are heavily loaded by the amount of job and one of the most efficient ways of decreasing
this
Linking Words
 pressure is an
art
Use synonyms
 by itself.
People
Use synonyms
 can go to
such
Linking Words
 cultural events as
art
Use synonyms
 exhibitions,
music
Use synonyms
 festivals, even do some leisure activities like visiting crafts and arts clubs or paint at home. After
this
Linking Words
 kind of ,recreation they definitely can become less aggressive and nervous.
For example
Linking Words
, even in ancient Greece Aristotle has been suggesting
music
Use synonyms
 as a good recovering instrument for the body and soul and Platon supposed to use
music
Use synonyms
 as a therapy.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 recover quickly and can become more productive too, and a side effect of all of these manipulations can be the good efficiency at work and production of more money for the government in the end.
This
Linking Words
 money could be invested in the development of education or healthcare,
for instance
Linking Words
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
art
Use synonyms
 is a key to a healthier and well-educated society overall.
People
Use synonyms
, and the youth especially, should be involved in some cultural activities
instead
Linking Words
 of watching TV and walking on the streets with no aim in the eyes. With the lack of
such
Linking Words
art
Use synonyms
education
Add a comma
,education
show examples
 human beings can degrade quickly and dive into a crime world.
Instead
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 desperate life ,development
people
Use synonyms
 can extend horizons by diving into the
art
Use synonyms
, they can create new paintings or
music
Use synonyms
 tracks or just absorb
this
Linking Words
 culture layer and engage self-development in
this
Linking Words
 way.
Therefore
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 and arts are very important elements in the life of the society in
this
Linking Words
 way. To sum up, I opine that
such
Linking Words
 investment in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 should be preferred more than in public services in order to make
people
Use synonyms
 happier after work and to educate and develop the community.
Submitted by Nataliia Litovchenko on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: