To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is statement? Whose responsibility is it provide food for school children?

It is undeniable that the world where we are living is becoming more so polluted that the majority of
the
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apply
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people are more and more aware of the well-being of their children.
While
many people hold the notion that schools take full responsibility for the balanced diets for students, others say that the parents and the members of each family are in charge of the outline. I, myself, partly agree with both ideas
Firstly
, if young pupils enjoy moderate amounts of healthy foods during schooling, plenty of benefits will help them, especially in terms of academic performance. Let's talk about my personal experience, when I was in grade 7, because of being fat, I cut all my energy consumption to lose weight, after that my body and my mind were extremely tired and all of my learning activities stopped. As for whose duty, school and parents should join hands because of the healthiness of our children. They should be cared for by every unit of society for the future of that country. On the other side, children should be living a healthy life not only eating healthy but
also
doing more exercise to improve their body and reading more books to release their creativity which
also
helps them a lot for their academic performance. In summary, there are several additional aspects of healthy living outside of eating better meals at school,
such
as the impact of safe food on pupils. That helps the learning process to be successful. The important thing is that parents and education-based
centers
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need to disagree in the first place.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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task achievement
Strengthen your thesis statement to clearly indicate your stance on whether schools, parents, or both should be responsible for providing healthy meals.
task achievement
Ensure each main point is thoroughly explained and supported with more relevant examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow of ideas. This will enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Refine the conclusion to restate the main points and provide a more impactful closing statement.
task achievement
Check for minor grammatical or word choice errors to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic by discussing the importance of healthy meals for children's academic performance and who should be responsible for providing them.
task achievement
Personal experience is used to illustrate the impact of not having a balanced diet, which adds credibility to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The idea of combining a healthy diet with exercise and reading for overall well-being is well presented and logical.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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