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Writing Samples
Band 6

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activities of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an ongoing debate about the allocation of government funding to different sectors, with
particular
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a particular
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 focus on the
education
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 of young
people
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. Some argue that too much emphasis is placed on early
education
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,
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apply
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 and that funds should be redirected towards extracurricular
activities
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.
However
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, I believe that more government money should be invested in early
education
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, as it plays a crucial role in shaping the foundational
skills
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 of
children
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. One significant reason for prioritizing early
education
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 is that
children
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 are more capable of learning and developing essential
skills
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 during their early years. Research shows that a person’s capacity to acquire knowledge and social
skills
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 is heightened during childhood, making it easier to
instill
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instil
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 good habits and emotional intelligence early on.
For instance
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, without a strong educational foundation in the early years,
children
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 may struggle to develop necessary academic
skills
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 later in life.
Therefore
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, investing in
education
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 at
this
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 critical stage is key to setting young
people
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 on the path to success.
In addition
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, early
education
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 helps foster social
skills
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 and emotional regulation, which are necessary for forming positive relationships.
For example
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,
children
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 who engage in early learning experiences are more likely to develop good communication
skills
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 and emotional stability. Scientific research has shown that early
education
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 plays a significant role in helping
children
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 control their emotions and better interact with others. As these foundational abilities are honed,
children
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 are
also
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 better prepared to excel in their academic pursuits.
Although
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 free-time
activities
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such
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 as sports and arts are valuable for young
people
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, they cannot replace the importance of early
education
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. Free-time
activities
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 certainly contribute to well-rounded development, but without a solid educational background, these
activities
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 may not have the same long-term impact. Governments should
therefore
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 prioritize funding for early
education
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 to ensure that
children
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 have the right tools for both personal and academic growth. In conclusion,
while
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 free-time
activities
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 are important, I firmly believe that the government should allocate more resources towards early
education
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. By investing in
education
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 during the critical years of childhood, we lay the foundation for the development of essential
skills
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 that will benefit young
people
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 throughout their lives.

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task achievement
Consider providing more varied examples to support your arguments, especially in relation to free-time activities as this will strengthen the depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, though your current structure is largely effective, slight enhancements in linking sentences can elevate clarity.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and addresses the task appropriately by discussing the emphasis on early education versus free-time activities.
coherence cohesion
Logical organization is evident, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that support your viewpoint effectively.
supported main points
Each main point is supported with relevant examples, such as the importance of early learning experiences for communication and emotional regulation, although more diverse examples would provide greater depth.
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