Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activities of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an ongoing debate about the allocation of government funding to different sectors, with
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
focus on the
education
Use synonyms
of young
people
Use synonyms
. Some argue that too much emphasis is placed on early
education
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and that funds should be redirected towards extracurricular
activities
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that more government money should be invested in early
education
Use synonyms
, as it plays a crucial role in shaping the foundational
skills
Use synonyms
of
children
Use synonyms
. One significant reason for prioritizing early
education
Use synonyms
is that
children
Use synonyms
are more capable of learning and developing essential
skills
Use synonyms
during their early years. Research shows that a person’s capacity to acquire knowledge and social
skills
Use synonyms
is heightened during childhood, making it easier to
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
good habits and emotional intelligence early on.
For instance
Linking Words
, without a strong educational foundation in the early years,
children
Use synonyms
may struggle to develop necessary academic
skills
Use synonyms
later in life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, investing in
education
Use synonyms
at
this
Linking Words
critical stage is key to setting young
people
Use synonyms
on the path to success.
In addition
Linking Words
, early
education
Use synonyms
helps foster social
skills
Use synonyms
and emotional regulation, which are necessary for forming positive relationships.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
who engage in early learning experiences are more likely to develop good communication
skills
Use synonyms
and emotional stability. Scientific research has shown that early
education
Use synonyms
plays a significant role in helping
children
Use synonyms
control their emotions and better interact with others. As these foundational abilities are honed,
children
Use synonyms
are
also
Linking Words
better prepared to excel in their academic pursuits.
Although
Linking Words
free-time
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as sports and arts are valuable for young
people
Use synonyms
, they cannot replace the importance of early
education
Use synonyms
. Free-time
activities
Use synonyms
certainly contribute to well-rounded development, but without a solid educational background, these
activities
Use synonyms
may not have the same long-term impact. Governments should
therefore
Linking Words
prioritize funding for early
education
Use synonyms
to ensure that
children
Use synonyms
have the right tools for both personal and academic growth. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
free-time
activities
Use synonyms
are important, I firmly believe that the government should allocate more resources towards early
education
Use synonyms
. By investing in
education
Use synonyms
during the critical years of childhood, we lay the foundation for the development of essential
skills
Use synonyms
that will benefit young
people
Use synonyms
throughout their lives.
Submitted by yusufpacaci1863 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more varied examples to support your arguments, especially in relation to free-time activities as this will strengthen the depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, though your current structure is largely effective, slight enhancements in linking sentences can elevate clarity.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and addresses the task appropriately by discussing the emphasis on early education versus free-time activities.
coherence cohesion
Logical organization is evident, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that support your viewpoint effectively.
supported main points
Each main point is supported with relevant examples, such as the importance of early learning experiences for communication and emotional regulation, although more diverse examples would provide greater depth.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: