Some people think that to produce a happier society is to ensure that there is only a small difference on the earnings of the richest and the poorest members. To what extent to do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #difference #earnings #members

In recent times, the need to create a happier

society

is an issue all over the world. Nowadays, it is believed by many that

people

with similar income would lead to a better life. It is my opinion, different social

classes

with similar wages could help them to live a happy lifestyle,

such

as they could afford to have a hobby, they would not

stress

about paying bills on time, and

lower

Correct article usage

the lower

show examples

class could not experience social

exclusion

Firstly

, if social

classes

could earn

Correct article usage

the

show examples

same amount of money,

lower

Correct article usage

the lower

show examples

classes

would have a chance to live a similar lifestyle.

For example

people

could afford to practice their hobby, resulting in it could turn into a more relaxed and wealthier community.

Secondly

people

would not

stress

out how to pay their expenses due to equal earnings.

For instance

, everyone has to pay their bill each month, which could cause anxiety and

as a

result

Add a comma

,result

show examples

equal income could solve

this

problem and

people

would not have to

stress

anymore.

Lastly

, equalised earnings would end social

exclusion

, which would help

society

to live a happy life,

such

as everyone could afford to buy a house, car, and

Change the article

the

show examples

latest fashion clothes, which would end

Change preposition

apply

show examples

social

exclusion

and lead to a happier

society

. In conclusion,

people

with similar income would allow them to do their hobbies, reduce

stress

, and end social

exclusion

which

provide

Change the verb form

provides

show examples

a happier

society

Therefore

, it is my opinion that social

classes

with

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

earning would help

people

to be happier.

Submitted by davidwillphone on Sun May 23 2021

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that to produce a happier society is to ensure that there is only a small difference on the earnings of the richest and the poorest members. To what extent to do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The internet has brought about many changes into our day to day life. Nowadays we are doing things such as mailing, communication much faster. Do these developments have more advantages than disadvantages?

Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people say this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others think it will bring stress to the home. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.