IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that to produce a happier society is to ensure that there is only a small difference on the earnings of the richest and the poorest members. To what extent to do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #difference #earnings #members
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In recent times, the need to create a happier
society
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 is an issue all over the world. Nowadays, it is believed by many that
people
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 with similar income would lead to a better life. It is my opinion, different social
classes
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 with similar wages could help them to live a happy lifestyle,
such
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 as they could afford to have a hobby, they would not
stress
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 about paying bills on time, and
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
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 class could not experience social
exclusion
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.
Firstly
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, if social
classes
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 could earn
a
Correct article usage
the
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 same amount of money,
lower
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the lower
show examples
classes
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 would have a chance to live a similar lifestyle.
For example
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,
people
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 could afford to practice their hobby, resulting in it could turn into a more relaxed and wealthier community.
Secondly
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,
people
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 would not
stress
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 out how to pay their expenses due to equal earnings.
For instance
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, everyone has to pay their bill each month, which could cause anxiety and
as a
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result
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,result
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 equal income could solve
this
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 problem and
people
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 would not have to
stress
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 anymore.
Lastly
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, equalised earnings would end social
exclusion
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, which would help
society
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 to live a happy life,
such
Linking Words
 as everyone could afford to buy a house, car, and
a
Change the article
the
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 latest fashion clothes, which would end
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social
exclusion
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 and lead to a happier
society
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. In conclusion,
people
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 with similar income would allow them to do their hobbies, reduce
stress
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, and end social
exclusion
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 which
provide
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provides
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 a happier
society
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is my opinion that social
classes
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 with
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 earning would help
people
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 to be happier.
Submitted by davidwillphone on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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