IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other items with famous brands. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #clothes #cars #items #brands #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
To tackle
this
Linking Words
 topic, we are going to only employ the evolutionary approach, as the question may be considered using as many methods as there are academic fields. From the perspective of the
gene
Use synonyms
, the reasons an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 purchase
products
Use synonyms
 of famous brands are their superior quality and the social status resulting from owning them. And in general,
this
Linking Words
 shift in consumer choice is a negative development. Two advantages of owning items from re-known brands are higher social rank and benefits from high-quality
products
Use synonyms
. According to Richard Dawkin in a book called The Selfish
Gene
Use synonyms
, each individual is driven to participate in activities
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 improve the chance its genome is passed down to later generations. Better social status means increased opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 obtaining a fit partner and having healthy offspring down the road. Meanwhile, using
products
Use synonyms
 of good quality enhance one’s chance of survival;
for instance
Linking Words
, if you can afford it, you may have a single hospital room and proper treatment/
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
 when you are ill,
instead
Linking Words
 of sharing a room with ten other patients and increasing the chance of infection, at least in developing countries. Being given the natural tendency of human as “survival machines” and the juicy benefits of
brand
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 to
gene
Use synonyms
 propagation, it is no surprise that more and more
people
Use synonyms
 prefer these items.
Although
Linking Words
 wealthy
people
Use synonyms
 reap all the benefits we discussed
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
, since the majority of the world’s human population does not belong in that category, I would argue that the trend towards
brand
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 is negative. The most catastrophic consequence would be the lack of investment: if low and middle-wage workers attempt to purchase
brand
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
, which are consumer
products
Use synonyms
, less money is available for capital goods, or investments.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can never significantly improve their worth nor their life quality, which is not constructive to their genes’ survival. Another consequence, and a rather popular one, is the psychological damage resulted from comparing oneself with others on the ground of how many
brand
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 one owns. Nowadays, the situation is aggravated by the use of social media which allows more direct and instant contrast between two lifestyles. In some cases,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low self-esteem motivates
people
Use synonyms
 to take
risk
Add an article
a risk
the risk
show examples
 and make big money.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the “victims” waste time struggling to look like others without fixing the core issue (which is the lack of wealth). I believe that we all have observed
people
Use synonyms
 like that. From an evolutionary
stand-point
Correct your spelling
standpoint
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 purchase
products
Use synonyms
 from famous
brand
Use synonyms
 in hopes of securing the reproduction of their genetic materials.
However
Linking Words
, as the
gene
Use synonyms
 cannot predict all obstacles in the environment (The Selfish
Gene
Use synonyms
, Dawkin),
this
Linking Words
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is only beneficial to rich
people
Use synonyms
 and is harmful to the average-income majority.
Submitted by sophievo0944 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: