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Writing Samples
Band 7

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuus both views and give your opinion.

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In recent years,many people dispute that finishing
university
Use synonyms
 is the most effective way to get a handsome salary
job
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while
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 others believe that gaining
experience
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 and improving interpersonal
skills
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 is more essential.Personally,the writer of
this
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 essay agrees that completing
university
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 is more important than
experience
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 and soft
skills
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due to
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 the wide range of
knowledge
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 and the usage of
certification
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.
To begin
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 with,
knowledge
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 may be the most efficient element to gain a good
job
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.To be more specific, when
students
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 learn in
university
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 there are some lessons that help them to focus on their future occupations.
Moreover
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, universities can
also
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 provide
students
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 with pieces of advice or experiments to support learners become familiar with the difficulties they may encounter when working in the future.
As a result
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, based on a steady foundation of
knowledge
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, pupils can easily pass through the interview in order to get a satisfying occupation.
For instance
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,in Japan, where
knowledge
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 acts as a standard or criteria to judge the person who applies a form to work can be accepted in the factories.
However
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,many people concede that
experience
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 and soft
skills
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 can help workers have excellent jobs.
This
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 is because,in real life, not many of the theories that
students
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 get from schools can be applied.
Furthermore
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,if
students
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 lack
experience
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 they can easily make a lot of mistakes that can lead them to be out of work.
Additionally
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,many workers may suffer from inadequacy of personal
skills
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.
Nevertheless
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, many universities celebrate outdoor activities which guide learners to gain
experience
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 and improve their soft
skills
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.
On the other hand
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, certifications
also
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 play an important role in rating a
job
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.To put it simply,
certification
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 is the object that may show employers how flexible
knowledge
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 workers can use.
Also
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,
certification
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 can decentralize qualifications to divide good employees into a better
job
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 than bad counterparts.Take Vietnam as a relevant example,most jobs here need
certification
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 to easily be accepted in the factories,and
therefore
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 many parents force their children to complete
university
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. In conclusion,getting
experience
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 and improving personal quantity are not the sole factors to get a good
job
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,but
also
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 finishing
university
Use synonyms
 is more important than the former.

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in the task achievement category, ensure you fully address both perspectives with equal depth and elaborate more on your personal opinion, providing a balanced view. You should elaborate more on how both university education and experience/soft skills each contribute to job acquisition.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and flows well; however, ensure each paragraph transition is smooth and clear. Consider using more discourse markers or linking words to further improve coherence.
supported main points
While the main points are supported, they could be developed further to enhance clarity. Include more detailed examples and explanations to make your argument stronger.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and personal opinion.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant examples, particularly the references to Japan and Vietnam, which help to illustrate the main points discussed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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