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Band 6

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world
Some people opine that
schoolchildren
 should learn about local
history
 rather than
world
history
. From my point of view, I disagree with
this
 opinion because I believe that both of them are equally crucial. On the one hand, there are many reasons why
schoolchildren
 should be taught about local
history
. As a citizen of one country, every pupil needs to have thorough insights into their ancestors in order to know their origin and historical backgrounds. Through learning local
history
,
schoolchildren
 can understand what their ancestors have been through to bring them freedom and sovereignty in the present time, which leads to an increase in their gratitude and patriotism. As soon as
schoolchildren
 are proud of their country, they will make efforts to study and strive to develop more in order to dedicate themselves and help their nation to become better.
On the other hand
, it goes
saying
Change the verb form
to say
show examples
 that learning about
world
history
also
 plays an important role
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
schoolchildren
. We know that there are many countries in the
world
 with different traditional values and
identity
Fix the agreement mistake
identities
show examples
.
As a result
, acquiring knowledge from
world
history
 would broaden students' horizons and equip them with a well-rounded perspective of not only historical events but
also
 real life.
For instance
, lessons about the Feminism protest against
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 abuse and discrimination provide
schoolchildren
 with respect for women’s
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 and freedom.
Moreover
, students who have opportunities to approach the
world
’s
history
 would feel more confident in communicating with foreigners when travelling since they already have a certain amount of knowledge about traditional customs and local cuisine. In conclusion,
schoolchildren
 should be taught about local
history
 and
world
history
 because both of them will bring different advantages for learners.
Submitted by nhi.lth0811 on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic to provide a roadmap for the reader.
task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points, linking them back to the main topic and your thesis.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
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