IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world
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Some people opine that
schoolchildren
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 should learn about local
history
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 rather than
world
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history
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. From my point of view, I disagree with
this
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 opinion because I believe that both of them are equally crucial. On the one hand, there are many reasons why
schoolchildren
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 should be taught about local
history
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. As a citizen of one country, every pupil needs to have thorough insights into their ancestors in order to know their origin and historical backgrounds. Through learning local
history
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,
schoolchildren
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 can understand what their ancestors have been through to bring them freedom and sovereignty in the present time, which leads to an increase in their gratitude and patriotism. As soon as
schoolchildren
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 are proud of their country, they will make efforts to study and strive to develop more in order to dedicate themselves and help their nation to become better.
On the other hand
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, it goes
saying
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to say
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 that learning about
world
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history
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also
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 plays an important role
to
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for
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schoolchildren
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. We know that there are many countries in the
world
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 with different traditional values and
identity
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identities
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.
As a result
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, acquiring knowledge from
world
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history
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 would broaden students' horizons and equip them with a well-rounded perspective of not only historical events but
also
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 real life.
For instance
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, lessons about the Feminism protest against
woman
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women
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 abuse and discrimination provide
schoolchildren
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 with respect for women’s
right
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rights
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 and freedom.
Moreover
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, students who have opportunities to approach the
world
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’s
history
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 would feel more confident in communicating with foreigners when travelling since they already have a certain amount of knowledge about traditional customs and local cuisine. In conclusion,
schoolchildren
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 should be taught about local
history
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 and
world
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history
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 because both of them will bring different advantages for learners.
Submitted by nhi.lth0811 on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic to provide a roadmap for the reader.
task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points, linking them back to the main topic and your thesis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
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