IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What effect will this have on society?

#criminals #crimes #prison #effect #society
There are many stories of ex-
criminals
 that they again commit crimes after release from prison. In my opinion,
lack
 of funds, unemployment and addiction are the main causes to commit
crime
 again by the offenders.
This
 essay will discuss its causes and effects on society in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, There are many reasons to commit
crime
 again
criminals
.
Firstly
, when a
person
 releases from jail he has
Correct article usage
a
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money and to fulfil his needs he commits the
crime
. Now he has less fear to go again behind the bars.
Secondly
, unemployment is
also
 the main reasons to commit a
crime
. When a
person
 released from prison no one is interested to give employment to the
criminals
. So they have
lack
 employment and have no sufficient money to eat food.
Moreover
, after
release
Change the verb form
releasing
show examples
 from jail, they do not hesitate to commit
crime
 again. So they become a member of drug mafias or goons and do an illegal task.
For instance
, In a survey, It was found that 80% of offenders again commit offences due to unemployment. Our society does not accept
criminals
. When a criminal will go to find a job after release from behind the bars. Every
person
first
 checks a
criminals
 record either he commits an offence or not. When a
person
 finds a criminal's record he denied for the job. After
this
, with the label of ,criminal he does not get a better job than he commits a
crime
 to fulfil his needs. To conclude, Most of the offenders commit offences due to
lack
 of money, sheer employment and addiction. These effects on society are really bad. A government should watch all the actions of
criminals
 after releasing them
Submitted by Rajwinder Kaur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: