The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care System in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the Best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Overweight and health issues related are one of the greatest concern in the modern world, currently.
As a result
, somebody claims the education system must act to settle
this
setback, increasing the frequency of sports practising in the school curriculum. In
this
essay, I will outline why I agree in parts with
this
trend and why I consider
this
solution not effective alone.
To begin
with, due to the contemporary sedentary lifestyle and diet habits based
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the consumption of junk food, the amount of people suffering from obesity and diabetes has risen in the
last
decade.
For instance
, in the USA, culturally, fast-food chains
compounds
Change the verb form
compound
show examples
almost 30% of the restaurants available in some neighbourhoods of Orlando city.
Moreover
, in accordance with the accelerated way of living, choosing unhealthy and quick snacks are more
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
than a home-cooked meal, as the
lattest
Correct your spelling
latest
latter
requires time and disposition to prepare.
Furthermore
, as a consequence, some people argue that schools must take part
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
problem, introducing more physical education lessons in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
attempt to instigate students to waste energy and, thereby, maintain their weight. In spite of the fact that it would be a valuable ally to keep a good health status, I do not believe it would work if applied exclusively,
thus
, other measures are needed. To illustrate
this
, athletes whose goal is to reduce body fat,
besides
training,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are put
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a
restrict
Replace the word
restricted
show examples
diet with a professional
nutricionist
Correct your spelling
nutritionist
.
Therefore
, in order to be successful, it is necessary to change the proportion of exercise weekly practised and,
additionally
, the eating habits. To sum up,
although
, the incentive to play more sports is valid, I think it is not effective alone,
hence
, introducing a healthier way of living based
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
what you eat, as well, would be a valuable aid.
Submitted by alexandretco on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: