IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #effects #children
In
this
 contemporary era, it is irrefutable that the greatest invention by a human being is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 computer.
However
, it is said that if
children
 are using
computers
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, negatives are more than positives. I agree with the aforementioned opinion and the upcoming paragraphs will
Correct your spelling
shed
show examples
she
Correct your spelling
shed
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
light on
this
. To commence with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of the pivotal reason why I support
this
 notion is that
children
 spend a lot of their precious time on video
games
.
In other words
, though
computer
Add an article
the computer
show examples
 is a boon for mankind, it can be a bane as well if someone is not using it correctly.
For instance
, a survey recently conducted by BBC News has revealed that 70% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers are playing the
vedio
Correct your spelling
video
games
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 than fours hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a day.
Moreover
, due to the internet, it is very easy for
children
 to play
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
games
 on their laptops.
Therefore
, the addiction
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
games
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 ruining the
cruicial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 time of the younger generation that could be used for their studies.
Furthermore
, constantly playing
games
 are affecting the health of students.
Additionally
, these days, adolescents can play any online game with their friends virtually.
For example
, research conducted by The British Government has revealed that 40% of the
children
 are using spectacles because of watching the
computers
 for a longer duration on a daily basis.
Thus
, it is crystal clear that overuse of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not good
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
's health. In conclusion, we have discussed that the cons of using
computers
 on a daily basis are more than pros for
children
, as it leads to waste of their key time of academics along with the repercussions of health issues.
Submitted by Chandan Kumar Singh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
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