IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #events
The
media
 is being used worldwide on different occasions,
such
 as keeping contact with others or updating
news
. The writer contends that the merits of convenience and accessibility of information outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of lack of fact verification. It must be acknowledged that social platform benefits
people
 in several ways.
In other words
, the global internet would connect them with a varied source of latest
news
 from huge continents to small countries.
Accordingly
, the
media
 would allow
people
 to keep track of the world’s progress,
as well as
 maintain to be up-to-date in the modern era. It was difficult for residents in remote areas to have an opportunity to access the
news
 during the previous century, but with the assistance of technology and social
media
, events are far easier to update. Another key component of
this
 case is because of its convenience. Unlike what our ancestors have been through hundreds of years before, letters and magazines soon became unnecessary in these recent days.
This
 is the consequence of time-consuming delivery and printing so it would probably take them days or even weeks to have those documents reach the person they were trying to contact. In the same way, using the internet to receive the right information only occupies some milliseconds.
Therefore
,
that is
 the reason why most
people
 choose to rely on social
media
 rather than traditional methods.
Although
 the
media
 has several positives, it still has some negative impacts on
people
's lives. As a matter of fact, many
people
 decide to tie up with social
media
 so much that they have neglected the possible problem that: no verification is made before the
news
 is distributed publically.
However
, if
people
 are bright enough to differentiate between authentic and fake
news
,
this
 would no longer be a problematic issue. Taking all into account, the demerit of factual affirmation is outweighed by the benefits of time-consuming and up-to-date
news
.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to re-read your essay to correct any grammatical errors or awkward phrasing to improve clarity and overall cohesion. Polishing your language use will make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
task achievement
You could bolster your argument by incorporating more varied and specific examples to substantiate your points, particularly when discussing the disadvantages of social media. Consider adding statistics, studies, or personal anecdotes where possible.
task achievement
While you've done well in covering the overall task, try to provide a more balanced discussion on the advantages and disadvantages. You could expand on the negative aspects and propose potential solutions or ways to mitigate these issues, which would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global community
  • maintain relationships
  • immediate updates
  • self-expression
  • networking opportunities
  • overuse
  • misinformation
  • privacy concerns
  • personal data
  • culture of comparison
  • decreased self-esteem
  • dissatisfaction
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