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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, some countries are spending a lot of money to make it easier to use bicycle. Why is this? Is it the best solution to transport problem?

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In many parts of the world, government money has been allocated for promoting cycling among citizens. In
this
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 essay, I will get to the roots of
this
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 trend and explain why I believe that encouraging people to cycle more is not the optimum way to tackle the existing
transport
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problems
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. Commuting by bike is increasingly facilitated by governmental bodies
owing to
Verb problem
for
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 various reasons. One of them is
because
Correct word choice
that
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this
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 means of
transport
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 aids people
to reduce
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in reducing
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 their excess fat and cholesterol in
this
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 era of a sedentary lifestyle.
Consequently
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, they can avoid higher risks of some major diseases
such
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 as obesity, high blood pressure or diabetes.
In addition
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, facing worsening environmental issues
such
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 as air pollution, global warming and even climate change, many countries find it imperative to make cycling become a mainstream activity to reduce the emissions released from petrol-fueled vehicles like motorbikes and cars.
In other words
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, by funding
for
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apply
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this
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 eco-friendly mode of transportation, there will be several improvements in
problems
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 related to the environment in the long term.
However
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, I hold a firm belief that making cycling more popular is not the best measure to solve
transport
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problems
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, especially traffic congestion. Despite
numerous
Correct article usage
the numerous
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 benefits of cycling for people’s health and the environment, it is undeniable that it cannot satisfy people’s demands for mobility on a daily basis.
In particular
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, it is quite challenging and impossible for ordinary citizens to commute by bike within a far distance since it is so exhausting and uncomfortable.
In other words
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, it may take a long time to persuade citizens and apply cycling into society with
an
Correct article usage
the
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 aim of reducing traffic jams.
Therefore
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, another solution namely expanding roads and building bridges should be considered by the authorities in order to reduce transportation issues.
This
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 enables passengers to comfortably drive and
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also
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apply
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reach their desired place within a shorter period of time without obstructing other vehicles. In conclusion, the reasons why countries are willing to spend a huge amount of money to make bicycle usage easier among the public are varied and understandable, yet I am convinced that compared with promoting cycling, investing in road expansion and
upgrade
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upgrading
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 traffic infrastructures is more effective for addressing
transport
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problems
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.

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task response
Task Response: The response provides a clear opinion on the topic and presents relevant arguments. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the drawbacks of promoting cycling as a solution to transport problems.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay is logically structured and has a clear introduction and conclusion. The ideas are presented in a coherent manner, but there is room for improvement in linking specific examples to the main points and providing a more thorough development of ideas throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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