IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that having a fixed punishment for all crimes is more efficient. What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a fixed punishment?

#people #punishment #crimes
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The issue of whether to have a fixed punishment for all
crimes
 is certainly a controversial
one
. Despite the argument that some
people
 believe that fixed penalties are more convenient, others reject
this
 notion. There are several advantages and disadvantages. First of all,
one
 of the advantages is that
one
 does not need to go to the court; going to the court is time-consuming, which is inconvenient for the regular workers who have to work during the day.
That is
, it is an uphill battle for employees to quit frequently because of some small
crimes
,
such
 as driving over speed
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 or eating gum in the MRT station
that is
 not allowed in Taiwan. Another positive effect is having additional income for the government.
For example
, if a driver parks his vehicle in a place, which is banned
to park
Change preposition
from parking
show examples
; he has to pay a fixed punishment to the government.
As a consequence
, the country has an additional budget to improve transportation or other uses.
On the other hand
,
one
 of the drawbacks is that
people
 may commit
crimes
 that are not as important as before.
People
 would avoid
to do
Verb problem
committing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes
 which contribute to the death penalty or other serious penalties.
Moreover
, as all
crimes
 become fixed punishment, some
people
 may think that money can solve any problems; it is
also
 unfair to other
people
 who probably are harmed by the criminals. These disadvantages possibly lead to a huge safety issue in the society. In conclusion,
although
 fixed punishments are more efficient, we still need to deeply consider
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 long-term influences on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large scale.
Submitted by annlin900116 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement where you outline the key advantages and disadvantages you will discuss. This helps the reader understand your position from the outset and what to expect in the essay.
task achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly with clear topic sentences at the start of each paragraph, and provide more detailed explanations to support those points. Your essay should demonstrate an ability to discuss ideas in depth rather than just listing them.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure your essay is well-organized with clear and logical progression of ideas. Use a variety of linking words and cohesive devices effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Actual case studies or hypothetical scenarios will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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