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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #lifestyle #treatment #people
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There has been a suggestion that the government should not allocate as much taxpayers’
money
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 to remedy those who are already suffering from medical problems.
Instead
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, it ought to be channelled to the promotion of a health-enhancing way of
life
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. I opine that
this
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 idea is flawed. In fact, which are the
money
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 should go to primarily depends on the situation at a specific time as each measure has its own merits. On the one hand, investing financial resources in boosting a lifestyle of good health is beneficial in the long run, thereby reducing huge costs for the healthcare sector. It means that when a young person leads a healthy
life
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, they can avoid the risks of many
life
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-threatening illnesses.
For example
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, should a person not smoke or consume fast food, they can reduce the probabilities of diabetes, heart attack, and lung cancers.
As a result
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, they do not need to visit hospitals or doctors regularly, and if they maintain
this
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 wholesome lifestyle towards old age, they save themselves and the government a great deal of
money
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 which can be distributed and used in other necessary areas. Having said that, investments in aiding currently sick people should
also
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 be reasonable. It is obviously true that people’s unhealthy ways of
life
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 cost a country dearly every year, and it appears to be sensible that the government should intervene so as to ameliorate the problem.
However
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, I believe that anyone can choose how they live their
life
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 on the condition that it does comply with the law. Another justification for
this
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 notion is that when they are still healthy and strong, they do contribute their labour to the country via taxes, so they should be eligible for the government’s support when they are in need.
Therefore
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, any cuts in budgets for the treatment of those with current health problems would make no sense. In summary, whilst diverting
money
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 to raising people’s awareness is of great benefit, it must not be done at the expense of people who are now sick and need monetary aids, notwithstanding costing the economy.
Submitted by nhathoang.161286 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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