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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

#education #employment #people #work
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Pressure and competition are the biggest problems that lots of people face nowadays.
Therefore
, there are a lot of people who work hard in education and employment.
However
, why do they endeavour harder than others? Is it a good thing that they always do it? In
this
 essay, I will express my opinion. It Is obvious that hard work can make life better.
That is
, in education or employment, studying or working hard can play a critical role and lay the groundwork for a successful future.
For example
, working hard can earn more money, can buy anything that they want, and can offer all the family needs. Those who struggle hard in school can apply to prestigious institutes or find jobs.
Therefore
, education and working hard can get more benefits for themselves.
This
 is why some people are studying or working harder than others.
In addition
, there are more benefits for them because of their hard effort. If they always do
this
, they will be disadvantaged.
Firstly
, it has been harmful to their health for a long time in high pressure. So that it will injure their minds.
Secondly
, if they are always studying hard or working for a long time, they will not have a good relationship with others. Because they always think about competition. Other society members, in their eyes, are not friends.
Thirdly
, it is not a good thing for the whole society. Let society become more preoccupied since most of the competitive atmosphere is gone.
To sum up
, keeping study and work status is necessary, but there is no need to try too hard. Relaxing and making friends are good ways to communicate.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure, which includes well-developed paragraphs that logically flow from one to the next. Use connective words to show the relationship between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion must effectively present the main argument and succinctly summarize the key points of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to connect your ideas. Avoid overusing certain phrases or words, as this can reduce coherence.
Task Achievement
Your response needs to fully address all parts of the task. Make sure you develop your main points fully.
Task Achievement
Ensure the ideas are explained comprehensively. Develop each point with explanations or examples so that the reader can understand your argument or viewpoint clearly.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your ideas. This helps to show a deeper understanding of the topic and can make your argument more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Work ethic
  • Upbringing
  • Cultural values
  • Ambitions
  • Motivated
  • Fear of failure
  • Competitive nature
  • Overworking
  • Burnout
  • Stress-related health issues
  • Productivity
  • Quality of life
  • Healthy balance
  • Long-term productivity
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