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Band 7.5

Some people think that hard work helps in achieving financial success, while others think it is not the only thing which contributes to financial success. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #success
Despite the fact that it has been argued that
success
 in finance is achieved by hard
work
, other people consider that working hard is not the only criterion leading to financial
success
. I completely agree with the latter idea as apart from hard performance, other elements
such
 as luck and investment skills should
also
 be taken into account. On the one hand, working hard contributes to the accomplishment of financial freedom. The reason is that employees who are willing to invest their leisure time into
work
 not only are able to earn an extra salary but
also
 gain more promotion opportunities,
thus
 attaining economical freedom faster.
For instance
, most companies prefer to entrust their staffs who pay thorough attention to
work
 with crucial tasks, so those staffs normally need to
work
 beyond predetermined hours,
thus
 it is easier for them to achieve financial well being than others.
On the other hand
, some individuals, including me, suggest that other elements should
also
 be considered to achieve economic
success
.
This
 is because there are too many
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
 people around the world, luck and excellent investment knowledge sometimes are
also
 tricky points to decide how much money you earn. As an illustration, in the stock market, investors always said that
although
 you are able to spend all your time and energy on stocks, the situation that you lose all your money always happens.
This
 is because if you want to earn money by investing, you should be equipped with a little luck and smart investment ideas. In conclusion,
although
 people vary in their opinion about what factors will promote financial
success
, I am of the opinion that
in addition
 to hard
work
, other factors should
also
 be considered.
Submitted by strawberry.guan on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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