It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people enunciate
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
point that it is more important to spend taxpayers’
money
on promoting the citizens to live healthier than using it on medical treatment for already ill people.
This
is not a bad idea,
however
, I find it not really practical in today’s society and hard to agree with
First
of all, the
gorvernment
Correct your spelling
government
should
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
on financing the treatment of illness due to the
increasingly
Change the adverb
increasing
show examples
fee
of curing. Along with the
prolifertion
Correct your spelling
proliferation
of human society, more and more
bizzare
Correct your spelling
bizarre
diseases have been found, some of them are severe and cost a lot of
money
to get rid of.
Hence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support from government funding as well as health insurances is highly necessary, especially to patients who do not have enough
money
such
as homeless or unemployed people.
Moreover
, it’s usually difficult to work when being ill,
this
may lead to the reduction in the workers’ salary since they cannot complete their job
;
Change the punctuation
,
show examples
so
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
fee
would be a really big concern. The
second
reason is that the
gorvernment
Correct your spelling
government
receives taxes revenue, so their duty is to take care of the taxpayers, which mean providing them with proper social services, including medical treatments. By allocating
money
for patients, supporting them with the medical
fee
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will not only helps them to overcome certain financial problems but
also
makes them feel more willing to pay taxes since they can see it is good for them.
Furthermore
, many
attemps
Correct your spelling
attempts
attempt
made by the authorities in promoting a healthy lifestyle seem to be useless as living healthy is a choice, it
must
Correct your spelling
just
show examples
comes
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come
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from ourselves’ awareness. In fact,
although
everyone wants to have a longer life expectancy,
excercising
Correct your spelling
exercising
or eating nourishing food may be hard because it is not as pleasant as laying on
sofa
Add an article
the sofa
show examples
with a pizza on the table. In short, I
defnitely
Correct your spelling
definitely
disagree with the idea of using public
money
on promoting a healthier life
instead
of supporting patients’ medical
fee
since many kinds of taxes have been
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
for health services.
Submitted by nhathoang.161286 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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