It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #lifestyle #illness #treatment #people

Some people enunciate

Correct article usage

the

show examples

point that it is more important to spend taxpayers’

money

on promoting the citizens to live healthier than using it on medical treatment for already ill people.

This

is not a bad idea,

however

, I find it not really practical in today’s society and hard to agree with

First

of all, the

gorvernment

Correct your spelling

government

should

center

Change the spelling

centre

show examples

on financing the treatment of illness due to the

increasingly

Change the adverb

increasing

show examples

fee

of curing. Along with the

prolifertion

Correct your spelling

proliferation

of human society, more and more

bizzare

Correct your spelling

bizarre

diseases have been found, some of them are severe and cost a lot of

money

to get rid of.

Hence

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

support from government funding as well as health insurances is highly necessary, especially to patients who do not have enough

money

such

as homeless or unemployed people.

Moreover

, it’s usually difficult to work when being ill,

this

may lead to the reduction in the workers’ salary since they cannot complete their job

;

Change the punctuation

show examples

medical

Add an article

the medical

show examples

fee

would be a really big concern. The

second

reason is that the

gorvernment

Correct your spelling

government

receives taxes revenue, so their duty is to take care of the taxpayers, which mean providing them with proper social services, including medical treatments. By allocating

money

for patients, supporting them with the medical

fee

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

will not only helps them to overcome certain financial problems but

also

makes them feel more willing to pay taxes since they can see it is good for them.

Furthermore

, many

attemps

Correct your spelling

attempts

attempt

made by the authorities in promoting a healthy lifestyle seem to be useless as living healthy is a choice, it

must

Correct your spelling

just

show examples

comes

Change the verb form

come

show examples

from ourselves’ awareness. In fact,

although

everyone wants to have a longer life expectancy,

excercising

Correct your spelling

exercising

or eating nourishing food may be hard because it is not as pleasant as laying on

sofa

Add an article

the sofa

show examples

with a pizza on the table. In short, I

defnitely

Correct your spelling

definitely

disagree with the idea of using public

money

on promoting a healthier life

instead

of supporting patients’ medical

fee

since many kinds of taxes have been

payed

Correct your spelling

paid

show examples

for health services.

Submitted by nhathoang.161286 on Fri Jun 11 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

334 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

preventive measures
chronic diseases
healthcare costs
public health campaigns
lifestyle-related illnesses
quality of life
health-conscious society
allocate funds
balanced healthcare system
comprehensive healthcare strategy

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population create problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extant do the advantage of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?.
In several parts of the world, senior citizens are living beyond the average age limit, prompting a debate on whether they are a burden to the government or a blessing to society. I believe that having the opportunity to spend time with our grandparents is indeed a boon for our growth and well-being. This essay will analyze both the merits and demerits of an aging population and provide reasoning for my opinion.
4
band
3. Can money bring happiness? Give your opinion and support it with examples
The concept of happiness breaks into countless interpretations, making it impossible to quantify. People generally fall into two groups regarding the relationship between money and happiness, sparking endless debates. In my perspective, money serves as a tool to achieve the peak of happiness.
5.5
band
Students generally prefer to choose the period they are supposed to study and the period they are free to have fun. They should be allowed to do their time management. Do you agree or disagree
Nowadays, education has changed drastically from what it used to be, from the teaching strategies to the mechanisms applied in evaluations. This approach has brought new ideas about how students' decisions should have a different impact in matters such as the spare time in their schedules. It is disagreed that students should manage their schooling time. Analysing how a majority of students are not mature enough to take such decisions, and the way that scholars must stick to a commitment (regarding their schedules) in hopes of developing a sense of responsibility in their lives will support this.
<4
band
Nowadays, there are a large number of coffee shops and fast-food vendors on high streets and in town centres. Why are there so many of these outlets? What effect is this having on the society?
In these days, The vendors of the fast-food centres and Cafes are numerously increased on the main roads and central areas of town. This is because of the opportunity to make cash by selling ready-made food to the poeple, and by the effects of this, there many health consequences amoung the society.
9
band
Many people believe that the current system of both teachers and students in the classroom will no longer exist by the year 2050. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
Predicting the demise of the traditional classroom setup by 2050 is a bold assertion, but not entirely implausible. The landscape of education has been evolving rapidly, driven by advancements in technology, changes in societal values, and shifts in pedagogical approaches.

It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population create problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extant do the advantage of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?.

3. Can money bring happiness? Give your opinion and support it with examples

Students generally prefer to choose the period they are supposed to study and the period they are free to have fun. They should be allowed to do their time management. Do you agree or disagree

Nowadays, there are a large number of coffee shops and fast-food vendors on high streets and in town centres. Why are there so many of these outlets? What effect is this having on the society?

Many people believe that the current system of both teachers and students in the classroom will no longer exist by the year 2050. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?