It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people enunciate
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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point that it is more important to spend taxpayers’
money
on promoting the citizens to live healthier than using it on medical treatment for already ill people.
This
is not a bad idea,
however
, I find it not really practical in today’s society and hard to agree with
First
of all, the
gorvernment
Correct your spelling
government

The word gorvernment is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

should
center
Change the spelling
centre

The spelling of center is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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on financing the treatment of illness due to the
increasingly
Change the adverb
increasing

It appears that the adverb increasingly is attempting to modify the noun fee. Consider replacing the adverb with an adjective.

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fee
of curing. Along with the
prolifertion
Correct your spelling
proliferation

The word prolifertion is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

of human society, more and more
bizzare
Correct your spelling
bizarre

The word bizzare is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

diseases have been found, some of them are severe and cost a lot of
money
to get rid of.
Hence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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support from government funding as well as health insurances is highly necessary, especially to patients who do not have enough
money
such
as homeless or unemployed people.
Moreover
, it’s usually difficult to work when being ill,
this
may lead to the reduction in the workers’ salary since they cannot complete their job
;
Change the punctuation
,

The coordinating conjunction so should be preceded by a comma, not a semicolon. Consider changing the punctuation or deleting the conjunction.

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so
medical
Add an article
the medical

The noun phrase medical fee seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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fee
would be a really big concern. The
second
reason is that the
gorvernment
Correct your spelling
government

The word gorvernment is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

receives taxes revenue, so their duty is to take care of the taxpayers, which mean providing them with proper social services, including medical treatments. By allocating
money
for patients, supporting them with the medical
fee
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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will not only helps them to overcome certain financial problems but
also
makes them feel more willing to pay taxes since they can see it is good for them.
Furthermore
, many
attemps
Correct your spelling
attempts
attempt

The word attemps is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

made by the authorities in promoting a healthy lifestyle seem to be useless as living healthy is a choice, it
must
Correct your spelling
just

The word must doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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comes
Change the verb form
come

The verb comes after the modal verb must does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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from ourselves’ awareness. In fact,
although
everyone wants to have a longer life expectancy,
excercising
Correct your spelling
exercising

The word excercising is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

or eating nourishing food may be hard because it is not as pleasant as laying on
sofa
Add an article
the sofa

The noun phrase sofa seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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with a pizza on the table. In short, I
defnitely
Correct your spelling
definitely

The word defnitely is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

disagree with the idea of using public
money
on promoting a healthier life
instead
of supporting patients’ medical
fee
since many kinds of taxes have been
payed
Correct your spelling
paid

It appears that the verb payed is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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for health services.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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