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Band 6.5

Some people think that the main purpose of school and university education should be to prepare people for work. Others, however, think that the true role of education is to make us better citizens. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #purpose #school #university #education #work #role #citizens
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In today's society, perspectives towards the true meaning of
education
 are different. Some people think that being a good person is the key to having an
education
,
while
 some argue that it solely serves as a career preparation. Personally, I strongly believe that the purpose of
education
 is to advance our capabilities to be able to compete in the job market. I will outline two viewpoints in regard to my opinion.
Firstly
, all citizen act as an asset to their country. In order for them to be productive and generate more income for the government, they need to be able to perform well in their work.
This
 condition only applies if the majority of the population is educated. Let's jump into an example, a student is being trained and taught in schools to master some specific subjects prepared by the Ministry of
Education
. After completing all educational levels, school and university, they will look for a job opportunity. When they get accepted into one and are successful in it, they become a catalyst of innovation and drive profit. What if no one is able to do
this
 and
education
 is only focusing on building a better population? yes, it is indeed not good.
Secondly
,
education
 is somewhat correlated with good behaviour. Those who are well-educated show a better attitude compared to those who are not. So it can be said that it is only a byproduct of
education
. A man with a high degree from a reputable university is currently being employed by a multinational company that places a strong value on being a good man. Logically, the man will always improve himself in order to secure the job, not only as an employee but
also
 as a citizen. In conclusion,
education
 is supposed to be a seeding platform for the workforce and good behaviour will follow. Everyone needs to think about the meaning of
education
 way beyond that.
Submitted by dimasardana07 on

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task response
It's essential to balance presenting both sides of the argument more equally. Currently, the essay heavily leans toward the viewpoint that education should focus on career preparation, which somewhat neglects exploring the perspective that education aims to create better citizens.
task response
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and demonstrate your ability to apply your ideas to realistic scenarios.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical flow of your essay, consider using more transitional phrases and connectors. This will make your ideas and paragraphs connect more smoothly, enhancing the overall cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and adheres to it throughout. Some paragraphs introduce multiple ideas, which can confuse the reader.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in conveying your points effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have done well in expressing your personal opinion and supporting it with arguments that highlight the importance of education in career preparation. This adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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