IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Due to so many young people dropping out from schools, the rate of unemployment is increasing and it affects our society in different ways. In your opinion, how this can be improved?

#people #schools #rate #unemployment #society
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In recent years, the unemployment rate has risen dramatically, impacting both the economy and society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore measures to address
this
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 issue, particularly by tackling the problem of young people dropping out of school. Since society is closely chained to the internet and gadgets, it has become way easier to affect people's choices in life. Today, it is increasingly widespread to watch self-improvement content on
such
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 platforms as
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
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, Instagram and Facebook, so-called "self-made millionaires" retelling success stories, and how dropping out of school was helpful.
For instance
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,
this
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 kind of content can be blocked and banned to avoid imitation,
while
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 parents should explain to their children that
education
Use synonyms
 is fundamental for future life, in order to get
high paid
Replace the word
a high-paying
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 job and accommodate
needs
Correct article usage
the needs
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 of the family. At the same time, it might be essential for schools to explain how vital is it to get
high-quality
Add an article
a high-quality
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education
Use synonyms
 and be qualified specialists in a particular field. Since the brain is highly flexible in the early stages of life, it may be effective to promote
education
Use synonyms
 from childhood.
On the other hand
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, companies have to lower expectations from applicants,
otherwise
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, rising standards for workers may even worse situation, leading to an even more unemployment rate. For example, offering an internship or volunteering before applying for
the
Correct article usage
a
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 job will allow individuals to find out more information about the workplace by gaining more experience. In conclusion, from my perspective there are various ways of dealing with the unemployment rate among the young generation ranging from blocking inappropriate content to explanations by parents,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 promotion of
education
Use synonyms
 from childhood times in school seems to be the most effective way.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Ensure all examples are directly relevant and clearly linked to your arguments. For instance, clarify how blocking content directly impacts dropout rates.
coherence cohesion
Add more transitional phrases to enhance flow between paragraphs and ideas, creating a more cohesive argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets up the context and main concern about unemployment and school dropouts.
introduction conclusion present
Effective conclusion summarizing main points while emphasizing the importance of early education promotion.
complete response
You gave a broad response to the task, addressing different aspects of the issue, such as family, education, and society.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay presents comprehensive ideas and considers various viewpoints, which strengthens task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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