IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, crime rates are increasing. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done about it?

#countries #crime #rates
Today, some nations are experiencing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the rate of illegal activities.
This
 essay looks at the causes of
this
 issue and suggests some solutions. One of the agents behind the growth of crime rates in several countries is poverty. To illustrate, in some counties in Africa, theft is rampant because citizens there do not have the ability to earn
money
 on their own and live in dire conditions. Another factor is the lack of parental guidance
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 youngsters. These days,
parents
 in several nations are too busy working to spend a lot of time with their
children
.
As a result
,
children
 cannot be taught what
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is acceptable or not in their society, causing them to misbehave. There are two possible ways to tackle
this
 problem. One is for
governments
 to introduce the system of basic income. If people receive some amount of
money
 from their
governments
 every month,
this
 can alleviate the problem of poverty, the root cause of some illegitimate activities. The other solution is to provide financial aid to families with
children
. Nurturing youngsters
costs
Change the verb form
cost
show examples
tremendous
Add an article
a tremendous
show examples
 amount of
money
.
Therefore
,
parents
 are forced to work for long hours at the expense of the time spent with their
children
. Some
money
 from
governments
 can lead to the increase of the time that
parents
 use with their
children
 because the
money
 will enable them to reduce the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of hours they spend working. To conclude, the problem of poverty and the shortage of moral guidance
parents
 instil in their
children
 result in the rise of the percentage of crime in certain countries. To make the situation better,
governments
 should offer financial assistance to those who do not have the source of enough income as well as
parents
 with
children
.
Submitted by momonanaharunatus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: