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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the only way to get success is going to the university, while some people say it depends on others. What is your opinion?

Some individuals believe that the only
way
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 to achieve their goals is by going to
college
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,
while
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others
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 argue that it relies on
others
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. From my perspective, I agree that going to campus is the best
way
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 to
success
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 because it provides all the elements of
success
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.
Initially
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, the university plays a vital role in the student learning journey
,
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apply
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 by providing a professional teaching staff with a clear study plan and monitoring every student's progress.
For instance
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, every major has specific courses and study material with a team of assigned teachers.
In addition
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 to that, there are online courses, so there is flexibility in attendance.
Consequently
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, it contributes positively to the individual’s
success
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 by gaining the required skills and the theoretical knowledge required, so they will have all the needed information to graduate and find a career. A
further
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 point to consider is that the
college
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also
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 contacts companies for free internships for their student, which might be hard for some people who cannot find an internship program.
For example
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, my sister faces some difficulties in finding a training program, but when she told her professor, he made everything easy and fast, by sending a letter to a specific training Centre because they believe that an internship is beneficial.
Therefore
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,
college
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 is the only
way
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 to
success
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.
To sum up
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, despite differing views, I firmly believe that university is the best and only
way
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 to find your future career and workplace for the reasons outlined above. In the future, individuals will get the idea that it is the right
way
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 to
success
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, after seeing
others
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 who choose
college
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 rather than
others
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.

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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to support your points. This will show a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stays focused on that idea throughout.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better, this will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your opinion on the topic, which is a good start.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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