IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #diet #governments #citizens
A balanced
diet
 is extremely crucial to living a healthy life. It is commonly believed by many that looking after our well-being and
diet
 is our own responsibility.
However
, some people support the opinion that authorities are the ones who need to take care of the nourishment of the commoners. I am going to discuss both point of views and my perception in the forthcoming paragraph.
First
 and foremost, everyone’s body is distinct. Taking care of their
health
 and
diet
 is up to them since no one knows whether eating a particular food is healthy or hazardous for one’s
health
. To illustrate, there are a plethora of folks who are allergic and sensitive to some foods
such
 as wheat flour, nuts,dairy products and chocolates. They face illnesses like swollen throat, eczema, rashes and dryness. As a consequence, they can look after themselves better than anyone else. Whereas, administrations play a vital role in taking charge of individuals' fitness and
diet
. Numerous steps can be taken by them. One of those is, they must prohibit the consumption of edibles that are immensely injurious to mankind’s well-being.
For instance
, tobacco and alcohol are produced and sold openly without any fear.
Although
 warnings are given on those
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
instead
 of
cautions
Add a comma
,cautions
show examples
 these harmful items should be banned shortly.
As a result
, the governments will be able to help people with regards to their
health
 and
diet
. In gist, taking care of their own body is the responsibility of individuals as they know which food is gracious and dreadful for them while the government can take strong actions against the prohibition of hazardous eatables. In my opinion, the involvement of both folks and authorities is necessary for good
health
 and
diet
.
Submitted by johaljeetar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health-conscious decisions
  • self-discipline
  • informed choices
  • personal accountability
  • regulating food industries
  • implementing policies
  • healthy eating
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies for healthy food
  • enabling environment
  • accessible
  • affordable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: