IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #education #lessons #school #curriculum
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At present, a significant amount of overweight
people
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 putting
a
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apply
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pressure on the
health
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system
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 because of their
health
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 issues. Few
people
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 think that
this
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 can be solved by introducing new physical education lessons in the learning institute. In my opinion, I agree with
this
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 because it will help a learner to know the benefits of good
health
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, and
also
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 about physical
exercise
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. A good reason is,
this
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 will help them to know about
importance
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the importance
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 of
health
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. When a learner
learn
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learns
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 about the benefits of proper weight,
then
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 they will try to maintain
this
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.
In addition
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, they will
also
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 able to know about the bad
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effect
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affect
Correct your spelling
effect
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 of overweight and how it causes
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problem
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the problem
a problem
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to
Change preposition
for
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health
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the health
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system
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.
As a result
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, those
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 will help them to know how to keep their
body
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 fit, which will remove extra pressure on
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health
Correct article usage
the health
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 care
system
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 because there will be
less
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fewer
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number
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fewer
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 of
people
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 who facing
health
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 issues.
For instance
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, in Japan, there is
a
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apply
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particular
lessons
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lesson
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 about
health
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which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 help them to acquire information about maintaining
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body
Correct pronoun usage
their body
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. Due to
this
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, most
people
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 are in
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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 weight level, and
this
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 helps their
health
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system
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 as well. Another point to consider is , they will learn about how to take proper
exercise
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, they will gain knowledge about the importance of
exercise
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 and how to remove extra weight from their
body
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. As a consequence,
this
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 will help them to maintain proper
health
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 and
also
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, they will not
face
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 a
health
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problem
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 when they have
a
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apply
show examples
good
health
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, researchers said that
people
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 who take regular
exercise
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is
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are
show examples
Use synonyms
face
Correct your spelling
faceless
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less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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number
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 of
health
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 issue compare to
people
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 who do not. Meanwhile, as
less
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fewer
show examples
number
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fewer
show examples
 of folks will have
health
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 issues,
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health
Correct article usage
the health
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 care
system
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 will
face
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 less strain to deal with
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problem
Add an article
the problem
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.   In conclusion, if school provide more lessons on physical education,
then
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 students can gain knowledge and keep their
body
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 fit and
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health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
system
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 will
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face
Correct your spelling
faceless
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
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 to deal with
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
a health
the health
show examples
problem
Use synonyms
.
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