IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The only way to improve the safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#safety #roads #punishments #offenses
In contemporary society, people are inclined to be more interested in ensuring
safety
 when participating in
traffic
. And some believe that giving stricter
punishment
 is the only way to improve
safety
 on our roads. I partly agree with
this
 opinion. On the one hand, giving stricter
punishment
 for driving offences can help drivers grasp
traffic
 laws, which leads to
traffic
 accident reduction
as well as
 increasing
safety
 for road users. The goal is to ensure that
law
 violators can understand the serious consequences that they cause and warn them to avoid wrongdoing. To illustrate
this
, let's consider the example of
traffic
law
 in Vietnam, a motorist without wearing a helmet during his riding can be fined between $20 to $40, and
thus
 he will never break the rule again. In other countries, the
traffic
law
 stipulates that if a driver breaks the rule, their driver's license will be confiscated and have to pay a large fine. These can cause road users will be in fear of facing
further
punishment
 and avoid violent
law
. From my perspective, I firmly believe that giving stricter
punishment
 is not the only way to ensure the
safety
 of participants in
traffic
.
Besides
this
 method, the authority should raise awareness about
traffic
 for citizens through social media, it can provide some essential knowledge about the
law
as well as
 help them grasp serious consequences when they break the
law
.
In addition
, police officers need to encourage people to use public transport
instead
 of private vehicles to avoid
traffic
 jams.
Moreover
, the government can add more skills tests to the driver's license exam.
To sum up
, I believe that the way to improve
safety
 on our roads is a combination of the measures mentioned above.
Submitted by huyentrang712 on

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task achievement
To improve your essay, make sure your arguments are fully developed. While the essay presents valid points, expanding on each idea with more examples or evidence would strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Work on making your transitions between paragraphs smoother. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next to improve the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Review grammar and sentence structure for clarity. While your essay is generally understandable, there are small errors that can be corrected to improve readability.
task achievement
You could benefit from better balancing your points. The essay leans slightly more towards discussing punishments; including more content about other measures could provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the argument effectively.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples, such as the fine for not wearing a helmet in Vietnam, help to illustrate your points well.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating a well-rounded perspective.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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