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Band 4.5

Many today feel that most urgent problems can only be solved by international cooperation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#cooperation
In my perspective, there will be a lot of dilemmas that
appeared
Wrong verb form
appear
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 during our lives that the government need to deal with
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, even important obstacle or small issue. Depending on
how
Rephrase
apply
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the severity of each situation, the government will decide the right way to tackle everything. In some ,cases we will need the support of international cooperation, but some just require the decision in an individual country. The
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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primary concern that everyone is facing right now is
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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, a virus that makes
global
Correct article usage
the global
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 death
rating
Replace the word
rate
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 increase nonstop, every day we have thousands of people on the earth passway.
Instead
 of facing
this
 health issue individually, all countries in nature are now gathering together to find
the
Correct article usage
a
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 vaccine to deal with
this
 international problem. Nowadays, there are some vaccines from countries that successfully research a method that
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 people to limit the risk of death. Despite the fact that there are some issues that need to be controlled entirely within the state, even
it makes
Verb problem
causing
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 damage worldwide. Terrorism
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is a global threat, which has been identified as a government-sponsored program in some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the world.
Due to
this
, under no circumstance, the government should act to wipe out and start taking necessary steps to counteract,
this
 since the devastating consequences do not limit to one place.
Thus
,
it is clear that
 how to handle these kinds of trouble is purely determined by the authority of the nation, hardly, others can get involved in their home affairs. To recapitulate, there
some
Add a missing verb
are some
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 polemics that having an international effort should be better to solve and prevent the majority of the world's trouble. I support
this
 view to a certain extent. But it is a great way if every nation has an important role individually or globally to against evil.
Submitted by Nguyễn Hoàng Hiếu Linh on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas in a more coherent manner. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion present a clear overview of your main points. Support your ideas with relevant and specific examples to enhance clarity and depth of analysis.
task achievement
You need to address the task more comprehensively by providing a well-structured and fully developed response. Ensure that your ideas are clear and provide relevant examples to support your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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