IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many people believe that watching a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #live #performance #event #television
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Currently, there is a controversial conversation that the spectator should witness a
performance
 live rather than see it on television. The writer of
this
 essay believes the notion of enjoying the event in real life may have more benefits
due to
 the air condition around the
show
 and the interaction of the play. One of the core reasons to see a live
performance
 is the atmosphere at the
show
. To explain
further
, the viewers can have more impressive emotions when being in the
performance
 because these spectators will easily sympathize with others which brings a lot of feeling
that is
 the appeal of the
show
.
For example
, the audiences at comedy shows laugh more if they watch it directly
while
 others watch television because of the domino effect of laughing. The interactive event is another crucial point that should be noted. To clarify
this
 point, if the audience is in the
performance
, the characters or artists on the stage can be more connected with the viewers, even in contact with them in order to make the environment more friendly and enthusiastic. Take many artists in hip-hop as a contextual example, many rappers nowadays usually make an attempt to connect to their listeners
as well as
 create an explosive
performance
 which can not occur for an individual who follows television. In conclusion, the follower of a particular live
show
 can have more enjoyment
instead
 of just watching that
show
 at home because of the feeling in the atmosphere of the
show
 and the connection between the performer and audience.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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coherence cohesion
Great job on maintaining a clear topic throughout your essay. Consider varying your sentence structure more to enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and maintains a consistent position throughout. To further improve, you could expand on your examples by providing more detailed scenarios or specific experiences that highlight your main points.
task achievement
Using more specific real-world examples or personal anecdotes will make your argument more convincing and engaging for the reader.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, clearly stating your viewpoint and summarizing the main points.
Supported Main Points
You successfully develop your main points with explanations and examples, which strengthens your argument.
Logical Structure
Your essay has a logical organization, which helps in presenting your argument coherently.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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