IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say no one should work after age of 65years ,others say that they should continue the work as long as they want.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #work #age #years
Although
 some individuals believe that
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of retirement from
work
 should not exceed 65 , others think that
people
 should be permitted to
work
 as long as they wish, regardless of their
age
.In my opinion,
people
 should not be allowed to continue working after
age
 65 in order to give opportunities for the youths to acquire jobs. Some individuals think and I agree that
people
 should not remain
in active
Correct your spelling
inactive
show examples
service
 beyond 65years old .
This
 is because if
people
 stay beyond
this
age
 , it will aggravate the problem of youth unemployment.In order words, a lot of youths are job seekers, most have graduated
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 time ago from various institutions without job owing to the fact that the elderly ones
stil
Correct your spelling
still
 many in active
service
,thereby not creating space for youth to be employed. To illustrate
this
, A Recent Newspaper report stated that 80% of young adults have
bin
Correct your spelling
been
show examples
 unemployed since
Change the article
the
show examples
year 2015 that they finish from tertiary institutions.
In addition
,
people
 should not remain at
work
 after 65years because
at
Add the comma(s)
,at
show examples
this
age
, their health status might have declined thereby not allowing them to have the strength to carry out
assigned
Add an article
the assigned
show examples
 task.
However
, others believe that
people
 should be allowed to remain at
work
 according to their will.They believe that forcing them to retire in their mid_ sixties is unfair. They believe some are still healthy to perform
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 task,so mandating them to retire against their wish will not be good on their part.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 they think that
people
 at
this
age
 have the necessary skills and experience necessary for the economy to prosper because they have been in
service
 a very long time. In conclusion, while some individuals think that
people
 should not remain at
work
 beyond 65years, others have contrary views.In my opinion, I believe
people
 should not exceed
age
 65 so as to alleviate the problem of youth unemployment and to ensure that
people
 with optimal health are those in
service
.
Submitted by ayodam90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: